Kids are out, and I can be seen
Passing out candy on Halloween
Batman costumes look at me
Too many kids, Lord help me please- they're saying:

"I'm dressed up as a guy who's dead"
"And I'm a mummy who's lost his head"
And I'm all out of M&M's so
I pass out condoms to waiting hands, saying:

"Here youuuuuuuuuuu...
...arrrrre
Here youuuuuuuuuuu...
...arrrrre"

Confused looks are looking at me
The kids- they think it's candy
(they throw them) In their bags, and take them home
I'm so concerned- what if they choke?

(I tell them) "Come back, give those to me!
They're contraceptives, not candy!
And plus, they're mine- they are not yours
Although, they help stop STDs..."

(I tell them) "You're toooooooooooooo...
...young...
You're toooooo
...young...
You're toooooo...
...young...
You're toooooo...
...young...

...And they don't have pubic hairs...
...And they don't have pubic hairs...
...And they don't have pubic hairs...

"You're tooooo...
...Young....
You're tooooo...
...young..."

"Con-doms, throw 'em all out the door
Con-doms, throw 'em all out the door
Con-doms, throw 'em all out the door
Con-doms, throw 'em all out the door"