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Song Parodies -> "Short Width, Long Keypad"

Original Song Title:

"Short Skirt, Long Jacket"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Short Width, Long Keypad"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This is the phone I want. Its got everything and more. You should get one too.
I want a phone with a screen full of pixels
I want a phone that lets me text
I want a phone with touch screen apps
And keys that look, like, real high-tech

I want a phone that can give me directions
That’s fast and shiny
And has a jet pack
It’s playing ANGRY BIRDS now
It’s styling my hair
It’s planning my vacations
And making me a snack

I want a phone with a short width and a lonnnnnng keypad

I want a phone with built-in network (BUILT-IN NETWORK)
I want a phone that never drops (NE-VER DROPS)
I want a phone with unwavering connectivity (CON-NEC-TIVE)
That uses the vacuum, does windows and mops
With batteries that last me eons
And a screen I can see light-years away

It is fast and shiny
And fits in my palm
With its charming personality
It complements my mom

I want a phone with a short width and a lonnnng…. lonnnnnng keypad

I want a phone that will know my location (KNOW MY LOCATION!)
I want a phone with good calling plans (GOOD CALLING PLANS!)
It can deduce how to stop global warming (STOP GLOBAL WARMING!)
It’s telepath-ic so I don’t use hands
It drives my car; I can talk while I’m on it
It pays the bills, has a steady job
It files divorce; it says I have no friends
It’s getting the whole house, but I still see it on weekends

I want a phone with a short width and a lonnnnnnnnngggggg keypad

Copyright 2012+ Glen Stollberger

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Porfle Popnecker - January 04, 2012 - Report this comment
I'd almost get a cell phone if they could do all that! Almost.
Michael Pacholek - January 04, 2012 - Report this comment
The OS makes me think of Pauley Perrette on "NCIS."
Claude Prez - January 05, 2012 - Report this comment
I love me some Cake. And it's good to know there are still high quality parodies like this around here somewhere.
Abbott Skelding - February 12, 2012 - Report this comment
Excellent job! I LOVE the OS and I love the things your phone can do...wanna see what mine can do? ( Nice work!
Matthias - February 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Not sure why all my comments are going away. I know I commented on this one! I love Cake and this was a fantastic song with some really great lines sprinkled throughout. I love the fact that the phone literally owns your life at the end of the song.
Blaydeman - February 26, 2012 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I love these kinds of parodies! Not a fan of the OS, but that doesn't count against you at all. I thought it was really good.
Peter Andersson - February 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Don't take your phone over to meet Abbott's, they might hook up and give birth to Skynet...
bobpiecheese - February 28, 2012 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Way to take the ever-increasing phone technology and just turn it on it's head at the end there. Great parody of a freat OS, I got no complaints here! Except that I wish my phone could at least use mp3's as alarm tones, but that's just my personal gripe. 555!
Arwen - February 29, 2012 - Report this comment
SOTM...I always loved this OS, and as a girl who is 100% attached to her phone at all times, I totally dug this.
Arwen - February 26, 2013 - Report this comment
SOTY...still fun...still love my phone...(actually, no, i hate my phone these days. it's a replacement...and it sucks. waiting on that upgrade. #firstworldproblems)...still love this!
Agrimorfee - February 26, 2013 - Report this comment
That's the phone I want! 555
Jeff Reuben - March 08, 2013 - Report this comment
This is awesome, I assume the iPhone 5 was coming out at the time.
Peter Andersson - May 06, 2018 - Report this comment
This one has aged well! The one thing that possibly comes to mind is that six years ago it seems it was still possible to write a parody about cell phones without a single Twitter or POTUS joke. The times they really have been a-changing.

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