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Song Parodies -> "Don't Kiss Me"

Original Song Title:

"I Miss You"

Original Performer:

Blink 182

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Kiss Me"

Parody Written by:

EmiLoca

The Lyrics

Please...oh please. If you're going to kiss someone, make sure it won't kill them.
Hello miss, the girl with halitosis
You're sneaking up on some defenseless guy
An unsuspecting victim; improper dental hygiene
We can rinse with strong Listerine if you want
But otherwise you'll find me
Far away, even on Christmas
Oh don't you know a toothbrush is your friend
A toothbrush is your friend

Listen real close to me, and you'll hear it:
The voice inside my head: "Don't kiss me, kiss me"
I know we're going out, going steady
But let's try this instead: "Don't kiss me, kiss me"

Our first date and I'm so sorry
I cannot eat I cannot breathe tonight
I want to tell you but always
This guilty feeling
Comes creeping on so haunting every time

And as I stared I counted
Brown spots on your molars
Places where bacteria divide
Like indecision to tell you
and give you one good reason
Will you come home and not put up a fight
Brush your teeth tonight

Don't waste your breath on me I'm already
Convinced that I am dead (Don't kiss me, kiss me)
Toothpaste, your teeth sure need a good brushing
Your breath is what I dread (Don't kiss me, kiss me)

Don't get near me just yet, I'm not ready
You smell like garlic bread (Don't kiss me, kiss me)
Here, have a mint, a tic-tac or something
Just kiss yourself instead (Don't kiss me, kiss me)

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   2
 2
 2
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Worthy!! Worthy!!! I'm growing to love your humorous parodies. 'Places where bacteria divide' had me cacking. Top stuff! Take a sprinkling of 5s for your effort!
EmiLoca - May 18, 2004 - Report this comment
*eats sprinkles* Cacking is a fun word as well. Unfortunately, you're the only one who is inclined to post a comment about how deserving of 5's it is. 6 straight 5's and nothing to say about them? I'm going to have to start leaving myself comments just to make myself feel better.
EmiLoca - May 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Good work on this one. I'd give you fives, but I'm the author. You are a good person and deserve to be reminded of that more often. Don't swallow that arsenic.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 30, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm sorry, I'm gunna have to make you feel bad again now so that you can comment for yourself to feel better again. That arsenic is lonely and wants to party with your digestive fluids. You also type really slowly, POOBUM!
EmiLoca - May 30, 2004 - Report this comment
*gasp* And suddenly, Emi felt the urge to go on a cannibalistic cyber-killing-spree, tearing your appendages off, gnawing on your feet and screaming, "I HAVE A BROKEN WRIST, SO POOBUM YOURSELF!"
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 31, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm really attracted to wrists *snorting in anticipation* If you break the other one, I will have a TWO WRIST ATTRACTION! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! Mwa-HA! 'Appendage' has always been a nifty word. Like 'furniture' and 'luggage'. ...oh, yeah. POOBUMPOOBUMPOOBUM!
EmiLoca - June 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Once again, excellent work. Although the comments left by various people outscore the actual parody by far. Deepest sympathy for putting up with such a cheeseliver, and remember - water guns are safer to hold next to your head.
JARLB - June 20, 2004 - Report this comment
'Various people'? Riiiiiiiiiiight. Water guns don't kill fire, firefighters kill fire.
DJ Blaze - July 26, 2009 - Report this comment
I would say I know how you feel about rates without comments, but.... I don't. I can understand it, though. Really enjoyed the parody, 555s for this one. And JARLB, you say firefighters kill fire? You know what they say, all toasters toast toast! (Sorry, couldn't help it.)

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