If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
I'd eat them all up
(I would eat them all up)
If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
I'd only eat them if they were salt
(And If they weren't I'd have to chuck them out)
If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
Well I'd let you have some nuts
(But not all of them you greedy pig)
If I had a million peanuts, I would get fat

If I had a million peanuts
I'd feed all the kids in our yard
If I had a million peanuts
All the salt would poison their innards
If I had a million peanuts
But maybe the police would come round and arrest you know
I could give the police guys some nuts though
And you know, they might get ill
With salt poisoning, then I'd get off arrest
And then they'd send more and more cops round here

I'd lie and tell them that everyone really likes my peanuts
Their fault they ate loads
Not mine

If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
I could feed an elephant
(And maybe a squirrel or twelve)
If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
Well I'd build a fancy nutshell house
(For a doggy or a small dolphin)
If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
Well then I'd flog them all on eBay
(ooh, all them crazy suckas with cash)
If I ate a million peanuts, Big heart attack

If I had a million peanuts
You wouldn't have to buy them no more
If I had a million peanuts
Instead you can buy loadsa beer from the store
If I had a million peanuts
We won't need to taste your crap dinner
Instead we'll just eat peanuts
And eat really cheaply made nachos with it
That's right, cheap and nasty crisps.....with our peanuts

If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
Well I'd feed a herbivore
(But I won't feed you cos your fat)
If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
Well I would fart all day
(Just cos I ate all of em peanuts)
If I had a million peanuts
(If I had a million peanuts)
I'd buy a helper monkey
(Steal me nuts 'n' monkeys gonna kill you)

If I ate a million peanuts, Big heart attack

If I had a million peanuts, If I had a million peanuts
If I had a million peanuts, If I had a million peanuts
If I had a million peanuts
I'd have nuts