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Song Parodies -> "Sees all (does that nosy Northpoler)"

Original Song Title:

"Keelhauled"

Original Performer:

Alestorm

Parody Song Title:

"Sees all (does that nosy Northpoler)"

Parody Written by:

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd

The Lyrics

What if Santa Claus was real, reactive to naughty all year round and had an omnipresent surveillance operation going that was really, really, REALLY intrusive?

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here.
An elf oft walks behind you
To see if you're a liar
There'll be a docked point on the list
For inconsistenc' with said prior

He knows if you been naughty
It's hard to loosen up for fun
His omnipresence's out of hand
Surveillance has us overrun

The sky old Santa's filled with drones
He's gone way overboard
Swag is frowned on, don't you trip
A walk outside's a brinkmanship

Sees all, does that nosy Northpoler
And he frowns at you to and fro
Father Christmas runs the Earth
Every bath that you take there's a periscope

Sees all, does that nosy Northpoler
Burn your porn mags and movies too
Old Saint Nick he runs the Earth
And you better not go for a Ho-Ho-Ho

He's sitting close on everyone
He says you're to behave - OR ELSE!
He'll snap if you don't wash your hands
His paparazzi's straight from Hell

A dark beat lives in Santa's chest
No safety zone inside his scroll
Lost his red pen, gained a bat
He will use it, and might whip you too

Your diet's checked with endoscope
And cookies you must hoard
He's taken over WikiLeaks
And microchipped your fingertips

Knows all, he's a knowsy Knowthpoler
And he's spellchecking in your hood
Padre No Mas rules the Earth
Every typo you make there'll be knuckle-blood

Knows all, does that nosy Northpoler
Who you've unfriended he will know
Father Christmas runs the Earth
And he doesn't like LOLcatz, No-No-No!

The daily grind's a slipp'ry slope
You have to file report
Bragging's frowned on, don't you slip
As naughty too's self-censorship

Sees all, does that grumpy Northpoler
And he looks down on me and you
Father Christmas has us flanked
He's reversed the old Hubble telescope

Sees all, does that grumpy Northpoler
Burn less gas and more midnight oil
Down your chimney he'll have you spanked
So you better go learn to tip-tip-toe

© Peter Andersson. (Fans of Terry Pratchett and/or Douglas Adams might be interrested in knowing that inspiration for this parody about omnipresent surveillance in much came to me right after reading the book "The management style of the supreme beings" by Tom Holt.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.1
How Funny: 3.1
Overall Rating: 3.1

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 3
 3
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   3
 3
 3
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - September 29, 2017 - Report this comment
First the stores and now you bringing out Christmas way too early! Just joshing you. This was a fun trip! I liked the use of Ks in that one line "Knows all..." and all around highly entertaining stuff my brother... Big brother that is...
Agrimorfee - September 29, 2017 - Report this comment
Sophisticated take on this, compared to the rest of us this morning, Pete. You really have to slow down and take it all in to read and hear the song at the same time---tricky writing. But I like tricky writing.

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