When I'm at home and need a hot cup
I always brew instant coffee
So when assholes with diff'rent tastes rock up
I'm screwed, believe me
Honest and upfront, not one damn speck of deception
I tell them I'm shit with non-coffee conventions, I frown
They ignore my pleas outright
And just flash a snap from some fancy teahouse, he says

"Don't lie, make tea like that", won't believe anything
That I try to say, what a douche
I can't make tea like that, what do I do?
What can I do? Yeah

I can't make one cup

What order do I do all these parts?
How much do I dunk the teabag?
Is the white colouring here from milk? Or is it cream?
And yes, I did go ask
I said "asshole" before, meant it
Waved their hand and dismissed me
Facebook page has "six cups a day", must've assumed
That that meant tea, yeah

I can't make tea like that, barely know anything
'Bout coffee, okay? Really screwed
I can't make tea like that, what should I do?
What can I do? Yeah, yeah-eeh-yeah
Ho-ooh-whoa-oh-ooh, yeah-eah
I'm on take number thirteen
Milk's gone to waste

I can't make tea like that, ev'rything here's been winged
Not one's been okay, so I'm screwed
I can't make tea like that, what do I do?
What can I do?
I can't make tea like that, I'm surprised that the sting
Of my fail's not made them try, dude
I can't make tea like that, what should I do?
What can I do?
I can't make tea like that, I'm so tempted to trip
Spill it on their face, would be rude
I can't make tea like that, what do I do?
Oh, what can I do? Yeah-ee-yeah

One of them
I'm hoping one of them
Will do the trick