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Song Parodies -> "An Aircraft that's not Traceable"

Original Song Title:

"Modern Major-General Song"

Original Performer:

Veggietales

Parody Song Title:

"An Aircraft that's not Traceable"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

With everyone doing the M-G song to such controversy, here I submit my version that took me a mere 8 minutes to do off the top of my head. I profess no claim to be an expert parodist, just a productive amateur, but in a fitting way this is also a mockery of those that got all bent out of shape over the ratings. I am writing of a future EADS fighter that pushes stealth to a new level with advancements in holomorphics, false echo tech, Miraflage coatings, use of swampers, and a range of other modern tech for a 6th Gen fighter that can deliver precison munitions to any location on earth. I don't care how this is judged. I didn't attempt any rhyming competition nor grammatical exercise. I simply wrote the way I do in MY style using parodist license to add a few lines and other things of MY choosing. I also used the Veggietales version to be different.
I am the future version of an aircraft that’s not traceable
Possessing a radar signature easily erasable
Of Titan-Vanadium, the exotic metallurgical
Some RAM and RAS included too, for missions that are “surgical”

In the air can‘t be painted, viewed, cell nets not problematical
Perplexing situation, for radars I’m not trackable
Missile saturation- do not fear them, not a “ghost blip” for them to use
“Golden BB” attacks? Triple-A can’t reach my height- thus lose!

Upon release of “swampers” their defense radars rendered confused
Active Miraflage for masking as the defenders buy the ruse
Wasted ammunition supports my mission: over their airspace I will cruise!!!

[And review all the options for the targeting system to pursue]

Now a hit on me would be nothing short of miraculous
But circling interceptors with search radars can’t detect my mass (nor dash)
Of course, a developed plume sensor might have proven practical
Yet I am the future version of an aircraft that’s not traceable

In short, doesn’t matter either strategic or tactical
I am the future version of an aircraft that’s not traceable

I can maintain my height and speed, without fear of rear warning “shocks”
I’m quite aerodynamic, no sharp edge nor slab-side radar spots
Can out-do the acrobats, can angle up 70o+
And tail stand? Zero indicated airspeed is… well… fabulous!!!

[At this point must confess that my engineering is just too much!!!]

If, perchance, I meet mid-air a hostile Russian or Chinese
My twin HVACs will shred them forward up through 180o
No MiG or Sukhoi can escape my EO sensor’s sight to score
Balls of flaming wreckage before I open the weapons bay doors

Precision-guided weapons hits their targets ‘til they are no more
Bunker-busters and weapon clusters like “Iron Rain” during downpour
I am the product needed desperately in this final Third World War

Finely fashioned by a nation that twice took the world by storm
I am their black raptor upon which the Iron Cross is proudly worn
In short, doesn’t matter either strategic or tactical
I am the future version of an aircraft that’s not traceable

In short, doesn’t matter either strategic or tactical
I am the future version of an aircraft that’s not traceable

In fact, the enemy defenses know not what route I’m travelin’
Holomorphics and false echoing mean pin-pointin’ ain’ta happenin’
All they know is that their mil-assets will soon fall under attack
And if not taken out at first, I most certainly WILL be back!!!

Though I have learned what progress has been made in modern gunnery
What they think they are shooting at= imaginary imagery
In short, my new design employs multi-masking strategies
As a “Black Phantom” I can pretty much fly anywhere I please (with ease)

I can bring my enemies all the way down to their knees, if be
From buildings to bunkers, have a habit or showing no… (what’s that word?)- mercy
My mission: control the airspace and conquer territories (for Army)

For my military advantage, I am bound therefore to succeed
Oh… and just one more small thing- I was made in GERMANY
But still, doesn’t matter strategic or tactical
I am the future version of an aircraft that’s not traceable

But still, doesn’t matter either strategic or tactical
I am the future version of aircraft that’s not traceable
Note: No footnotes for weapon and sensor explanations. Go Google. Aircraft performance terms should be recognized by people with an IQ of 100; if not, that's sad...

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   21
 21
 21
 

User Comments

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Stealth Writer - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Judged as a whimsical send-up of the O.S. style, as is befitting a parody, this gets a gentleman's 1s. If you don't care, I don't care.
Hard-boiled - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
A self-caricature of someone who lives by rules, except when they're inconvenient to him. Be a parodist for this site or a tech writer for some other site. Since you don't care about ratings by your peers (you'll get loads of 5's from your buddies, anyway), you get none from me.
Fair and Balanced - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
An 8-minute midget excreting a trifle or hard-working giants like Clozoff and Silver? I report; you decide.
Arndt Buddy - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Hmmmm, Robert Arndt's peers. So, people who identify themselves as writers at Amiright using well known screen names are Arndt's "buddies", while people who change their name every time they post are his ... "peers" ........ Got it!
The OS??? - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
This version is 51 lines plus 2 added= 53. AS' was just in the 30s. So is this version of "Veggitales" longer or did AS cut the original version??? Confused... I don't understand all the science involved nor acronyms used, but I think that Arndt is very creative and should get high marks for a version no other author would attempt- 5s!
Air Modeler - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
I counted up to 25 aeronautical and weapons references- impressive indeed.
I like this more than the other version up today.
Not sure what "swampers" are but may be a spin-off of "swarmers" that attack helos and aircraft in numbers like angry bees. The HVACs are Hyper-Velocity Accelerator Cannon. Arndt claims 180 degrees forward, and this has me thinking. Are the guns swiverling in an arc port or do they have field deflective capability? If the latter, then the rounds must be coated.
Holomorphics AFAIK are still ground-based, so to mount a projector in an aircraft would be a leap forward. This provides false visuals. False echoing is an electronic trick, so not sure how that works.
I think this is all brilliant. Smacks of something Lockheed or Northrop would come up with, but since Arndt claims EADS it would have to be Germany's first indigenous non-joint EU strike plane. So far, the Tornado still performs that role.
The description above points to a stealth blended body design, with engines buried and an aux. powerplant to use the holomorphics, electro-chromatics suggested, and all other next generation tech projected.
5/5/5 for visualization technique alone!!!
Patrick - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
You took on a challenging original in putting forth the specs for your proposed stealth plane. Whoever builds this first will rule the skies. Peace through superior firepower.
Al Silver - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
To The OS??? -- I gave the link to the M-G OS with my parody, so you can see I did no cutting.
Rob Arndt - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Actually Patrick, EADS did in the 2000s from a proposed earlier DASA study. Both originate from the old MBB (Messerschmitt-Bolkow-Blohm). Design study for an aircraft called Windhund (Greyhound)!!! Germany actually never stopped with stealth since 1945 with the Horten Ho-IX and had a F-117 competitor interceptor with the MBB Lampyridae (Firefly) by 1989. The US Govt. put pressure on W. Germany to drop it, but although canceled, MBB-DASA-EADS and Dornier continued with stealth fighter designs that may have resulted in the unknown German black triangles flying in RSA at the Overberg Test Range= possible Firefly II. Germany united does not talk about their stealth projects very much like Britain, France, and Sweden. None agreed to US terms not to develop stealth. BAe at various locations have had stealth aircraft like HALO spotted and another that looks similar to the canceled US F-23 Black Widow II. They have rolled out a prop of REPLICA and have stealth drones too. France has Dassault's Le Grand Duc while Sweden has a stealth cruise missile. EADS last reported work on an anti-stealth stealth missile with plume sensor some time ago. It would be cool if the Greyhound were to get built. I wonder what designation number they might give it as the RLM of WW2 left off at Me-609 officially. Be cool if the Messerschmitt name was resurrected. Dornier still exists as does Junkers under EFW (Elbe Flugzeugwerke), a division of EADS for converting Airbus aircraft into tankers and other tasks.
Rob Arndt - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
AS, I think they are about equal length (over 50 lines). Mine was taken from Letssingit and is from Veggietales as "Modern Major-General Song." That was intentional to use a different version with different song structure. Lyrics should be the same though. And I never said that I didn't care about overall ratings, just that I expected that ANY M-G song will be 1-bombed at some point and mine would be no exception. I am surprised no one 1-bombed it more. And 8 mins is just the plain old truth. I thought I might actually take 45 mins+ but no way with my military knowledge base. This was a fun exercise, as I knew no one else here would ever use military weapon projections as a topic for such a long and well-known OS. I just customized it a bit. Used my own style. I contemplated using the Leo IIA-7++ for the topic as a tank unbeatable, but prefer aircraft over armor, even if it is a future project. I am a Luftwaffe '46 fan and a flugscheiben fan at heart (no one should be dismissive of either as the former mapped out aviation design for 50 years and the latter is still highly classified for its metallurgy and propulsion system plus mass-reduction and Angrav capabilities).
Al Silver - February 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Clozoff and I used M-G versions which are identical in numbers of lines per verse and in total number of lines. We must have used the same source. Rob and Phil selected different sources, but with lines repeated to enhance singability.

I think there is a fetish for this song on AIR. It's hard to sing, but not all that difficult to emulate as parody. Yes, the rhyming triplets are a challenge, but in terms of technical difficulty, that's about it, except to preserve the original's paradox of claiming irrelevant skills as leadership qualifications. There is no strong, sustained narrative; each line is semi-independent. That makes the song a lot easier to emulate than, say, "Begin the Beguine" by Cole Porter. I tried it, but I could not sustain the story and had a slight break in tone (and a nervous breakdown) near the end. http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/juneknight0.shtml
Phil Alexander - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Al - it's not a different source, it's the bits where everyone else joins in, which in the original are either repeating the previous line three times or the previous couplet once. When parodied perfectly (as in Spaff's Odyssey-based variant - look it up, it's probably the best M-G parody you'll ever read), those lines are sung from a different voice and riff on the previous lines while not repeating them.

It's not just on Amiright that this song is parodied heavily: it is one of the most parodied songs, ever. Even WS Gilbert did.
Mr. Helpful - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
@ Al Silver

One of the reasons for the fascination with M-G on AIR is that's it's one of the Big 7. The official list may be found here: http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?topic=29637.0. You may not agree with the list, and you wouldn't be the only one. But many have argued to change it, and so far none has succeeded. Currently there are probably fewer than thirty authors who have managed to post parodies to all seven.
Gilbert 'n' Sullivan - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Many generations ago, we created an enduring satiric masterpiece with a novel musical composition approprate for its self -aggrandizing persona, with a unique rhyming scheme, suitable for neologism and a farcical interaction with the chorus. We knew we could embed the lyrics, with their mockery of classical education and officers' training, outrageous for the times, in a setting of hilarious costuming and directed performance, for an evening of rollicking nonsense. Some AIR parodists exhibit skills, but your efforts seem between those of Shakespeare-avid monkeys on typewriters, and a drawing class exercise. Enough, already.
Al Silver - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Phil -- I looked up M. Spaff Sumsion's "Boating with Odysseus." Now I get it. The several voices account for the extra lines and they filigree the original. Wonderful. 3,449 hits since Sept. 2005. Thanks for the lead. I'm learning, and aim to improve, even as I'm falling apart at age 79.

Mr. Helpful -- I looked up the Big 7. Valid choices, but the codger in me insists on Cole Porter's "Let's Do It" to be included.

Gilbert 'n' Sullivan -- I don't know if your comment is directed at me or Mr. Arndt. If you are addressing me, all I can say is that I have attended many performances of "Pirates of Penzance" and I thank you for your encouraging and magnificently erudite "monkey" description. That reminds me of a parody of "Let's Do It," penned by Noel Coward: "Monkeys whenever you look do it/Ali Khan and King Farouk do it/Let's do it, let's fall in love."
Patrick - February 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Of the so-called "Big Seven", I think I have done "Major General" (from my series on military misadventures related to cloned soldiers), and a double "American Pie", which met with disapproval from the late Tommy Turtle. I once issued a challenge to someone to do Bob Dylan's "Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts". The great Leough Keough came through about five years later, and has not been heard from since. I'm not familiar with "Begin the Beguine" though I should be. Two songs I have never seen parodied here are Dylan's "Chimes of Freedom" and Fire Inc. "Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young" from the classic 1984 film "Streets of Fire". Look that one up on youtube. A masterpiece. Anyone care to try?
Rob Arndt - February 27, 2014 - Report this comment
I already did "Nowhere Fast" from "Streets of Fire" which was by Fire Inc. However, I listed it under Diane Lane's ficticious band Ellen Aim and the Attackers :)
Dave W. - March 03, 2014 - Report this comment
Write as you see fit......It is it's own reward......

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