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Song Parodies -> "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom"

Original Song Title:

"Battle Hymn of the Republic"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom"

Parody Written by:

Claude Prez

The Lyrics

Just to clarify: "Battle Hymn of the Tiger MOTHER" = a bestselling memoir about parenting written by a respected Yale law professor, made notorious by "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior", a misleading, provocatively titled excerpt published a few weeks ago by the Wall Street Journal, that caused some controversy and death threats and stuff. "Battle Hymn of the Tiger MOM" = a silly song parody written by a college dropout mailman from Indiana who hasn't even read the book, so the parody is about the aforementioned misleading excerpt. Just so we're clear. I'd hate for there to be any confusion, resulting in my receiving any of Prof. Chua's royalty checks, or something. That would be awful.
My eyes have seen the glory of my precious childrens’ births
They are here to do my bidding long as they are on this earth
A Chinese Mom plays hardball; you Americans play Nerf
So says the Tiger Mom

Glory, glory to my children
They’ll get A’s or I will kill them
My ambitions better thrill them
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

In my children I see strength where you assume fragility
They can never stay with friends and they can never watch TV
But there’s also time for fun; we call it Trigonometry
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

Glory, glory to my children
They’ll achieve or I will kill them
When they’re wealthy I will bill them
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

You say that I’m a monster and you say I’m way too tough
But I’ll only shoot their puppy dog if smackdown comes to shove
And I always call them garbage so they’ll know that they are loved
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

Glory, glory to my children
They’ll obey or I will kill them
With my values I instill them
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

I don’t know what the fuss is; I’m not asking very much
Just to master violin and speak six languages and such
Also, find a cure for cancer or they won’t get any lunch
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

Glory, glory to my children
They are lucky I don’t kill them
All the day and night I drill them
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

You think I am a psycho and my kids do not love me
You say they have no freedom, but I have to disagree
I always let them choose which kind of doctor they will be
Cause I’m a Tiger Mom

Glory, glory to my children
No, I wouldn’t really kill them
But, with terror I will fill them
Long live the Tiger Mom

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 3
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   2
 0
 1
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   19
 20
 20
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
:D Way too many good lines to mention... love the definition of "fun"
Jeff Reuben - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Brilliant. Lol over the top funny
Parody Pete - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Right on the money, Claude - or should I say right on the whole bank! - Clever with a capital C - you don't just write a parody, you engrave it!
Old Man Ribber - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Claude - Bravo! Now go back and do six more parodiesof equal or better quality...or I'll set fire to your stuffed animals! (This is one of my all-time favorites...I bow!) ;D
Patrick - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
A Chinese mom gets only one child, so she has to do it right the first time. Unlike here, where the least capable parents are subsidized to produce multiple offspring. I like the part about speaking six languages while playing the violin. Actually, that should come much easier to a young child than an adult. Americans wait too long to introduce other languages in school.
John Barry - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
It's a good thing I'm giving you 5s; otherwise I'd have to give you a beating.
Peter Andersson - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
300 000 new technical engineers a year can't be wrong, trigonometry IS simple R&R...
Matthias - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
This is how parodies are supposed to be written. This is great probably the best parody of this song that I've seen on this site and that's a tough thing to do because this song is parody fodder.
NorCalVotress - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Sir, what about the 9 OrientalProstitutes that were taken into custody (not arrested) in Hayward,CA . . . who T-Momed them ? ? ?? ? ?
Taz - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Oh my gosh, I died laughing when I read this. This is amazing... Seriously.
Fiddlegirl - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Masterful! So much good stuff throughout, but wonderful last 2 stanzas. :) As a public school teacher, though, I must say there is much that American parents can learn from the Chinese in terms of valuing education and achievement (in areas other than sports.)
TJC - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Love the OS but *adore* how you've whipped it into shape!
Susanna Viljanen - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
Could be a Finnish mom as well. I am the product. With 555 interesting and exciting complexes as well...
Susanna Viljanen - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
I read the article which you submitted. The Finnish upbringing is exactly like that - I mean, I was raised like that. I don't play piano, though - I play bass, and guitar and lute to some extent. But I do speak seven languages. No wonder the Finns are the worst mentally screwed up in the whole EU. But we brought you Linux and Nokia.
Patrick - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
Doesn't Finland suffer (or at least experience) winter for about 8 months out of the year? I go nuts in Kansas City from 1 weekend of snow.
Arwen - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
I love coming back from an extended leave and finding that all is right with the Amiright world, and that you're still writing gems like this, CP. Perfection...so many laughs...love it love it love it!!
dee range - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
Aging like wine, Claude. Fantastico deluxe!
Susanna Viljanen - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
Patrick, no - only five here in Helsinki. We have had 120 cm (thats four feet for you 'Merikins) of snow this winter. Which means skiing, skiing and skiing for the schoolchildren.
Glen S - October 10, 2011 - Report this comment
I've read this before and thought I commented. Well-written and very funny Claude. I went and read the article after this just to get the whole story. Funny funny stuff.
John Jenkins - October 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Thank you, Glen S, for commenting and bringing this to my attention! Great introductory comments and parody.

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