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Song Parodies -> "Onward, Martha Stewart"

Original Song Title:

"Onward, Christian Soldiers"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Onward, Martha Stewart"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

Martha Stewart did prison time for lying about an alleged 'insider' stock sale. Her release on March 4, 2005 held promise of new TV shows. For original words, visit or or any pre-PC hymnal.
Onward, Martha Stewart, marching out jail's door
With the gloss to please us as she did before.
Donald Trump, the master, needs her sense and glow;
Forward into boardrooms, see her manners go.

[Refrain (first two lines, different melody)]

Like a mighty army, droves she nurtured plod;
Mothers, owners dreading any taint of fraud.
We are now delighted that she will be free;
Done time moping stock trading's one disparity.


CEOs may parachute, fiefdoms rise and wane;
But her Omnimedia constant will remain.
Gates of prison never 'gainst it can prevail;
We have Martha's promise that she will not fail.


Onward, then, ye novices, join her snappy throng;
Blend with hers your choices that are never wrong.
She'll regain her honor, and to us will bring
Online countless pages, many a Good Thing.

Permission is given to use this parody for pleasure and/or profit, provided credit and email notice are given to Barry J. Mitchel at .

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 2.0
Overall Rating: 2.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   0

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

The Prophet - November 18, 2006 - Report this comment
The only thing funny here was the footnote, giving permission to use this "parody" for pleasure or profit. You better give some pointers how to accomplish either. Extra credit for ego awarded only thing that kept this from lower marks
Barry J. Mitchel - November 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Phil Harris, Tom Lehrer, Allan Sherman, Studs Terkel & Garrison Keillor all profit(ed) from musical parodies; but they're too smart to give them away free, unlike us. Send an email and I'll explain why humor is not the only good quality of a parody. But if you crave humor, try misc/peggylee7 or misc/jostafford0 or 60s/thecastofthemusicaloklahoma0, 1, or 2, or 60s/thefantasticks0. I take a risk that you'll bomb them as you did here. If you sing these in public and people drop money, keep it, but let me know.

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