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Song Parodies -> "Sixteen Rounds"

Original Song Title:

"Sixteen Tons"

Original Performer:

Tennessee Ernie Ford

Parody Song Title:

"Sixteen Rounds"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

I commemorate the Otober 20, 2014 fatal shooting of 17-year-old Laquan McDonald by Officer Jason Van Dyke in Chicago, covered up for 13 months. I rearranged some stanzas of TOS for continuity of this story, which may not be accurate in every detail. This narrative is the survivor's, but I tried not to prejudge either man. Only one has time to repent.
On the horn one ev'nin' when the moon doesn't shine,
I pick up my pistol as I talk on the line.
I load sixteen rounds in that magazine,
As the cop boss led, express to crime scene.

I have sixteen rounds, and what do I get?
A little way bolder, peace-keeper, I'm set.
Dispatcher, won't you call me, 'cause I can go;
I know my role is to calm and restore.

I can see him comin' with a steppin' stride,
His weapon's been hidden; he cocks that arm wide.
My pistol's firin', that brother does reel;
If the first one don't get him, then the last one will.

I fire sixteen rounds, and what do I get?
A brother who's colder, not sleepin', I bet.
Ain't breathin' after fallin'; his knife slants low.
I know his soul flew to company o'er.

A forlorn cold ev'nin', it is drizzlin' rain.
Rightin' gang trouble is my single aim.
I was raised in Chicago while Sen. Obama's lyin';
He was a high-toned showman who could talk so fine.

(I'm sorry about that. It matched the original lyrics so well.)

I'd fired sixteen rounds, and what did I get?
Another year older. (I hoped they'd forget.)
Grand jury didn't call me, 'cause they worked slow.
Find no parole; truth has come to news' fore.

Some creep'll slay a man with blade or slug thuds.
News sure can fade out if hustlin' studs,
Hustlin' studs with skin tan tone.
Their kind don't speak or attack what's wrong.

I've got sixty years, a lot through life yet,
To smother and smolder or weep with regret.
Saint Peter, don't you call me till I can show
My snow-like soul to the trumpeting corps.

La - mi - do - la, mi - fa - so - la. (woodwind epitaph)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 30, 2015 - Report this comment
Actually, it's 15+1 and the victim was hit twice before he hit the ground after which the officer emptied out his mag with the remaining 14. He should get 555 years...
Patrick - November 30, 2015 - Report this comment
Haven't seen the video yet. From what I've heard it is unusual indeed for anyone under stress to hit with every single round in the weapon. Just watched an episode of "Dragnet 1970". Drug raid on a house full of hippies, including some neglected children. Four detectives in suits and ties, never drew their guns. One uniformed cop shows up after the adults are in custody, to take them to the station. No flash-bangs, no automatic weapons, no ninja suits.
Rob Arndt - November 30, 2015 - Report this comment
Patrick, remember the '70s when beat cops carried wheel guns and detectives carried shoulder holster .38s? SWAT, no MILSWAT or black-clad tac teams with ballistic shields and door rams!!! Back in those days cops knew the people in the community and they kicked open doors! No armored vehicles either, just American made heavies with V8s, an aerial, and maybe an anti-sway bar. No multi-color light bar either or door light!!! They carried flashlights and sometimes whistles in the city!

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