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Song Parodies -> "Noah's Ark Held Up Good"

Original Song Title:

"I Put a Spell on You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Parody Song Title:

"Noah's Ark Held Up Good"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Not my ususal type of topic, but Noah's Ark has always fascinated me. And now that I have the NLT Bible, the most accurate translation available the old cubit nonsense has been sorted. The facts: the Ark was made of resin wood and covered with tar to seal it. It was 450 ft long, 75 ft. wide, and 45 feet tall with a single roof and air slots cut 18" below that roof. It did not have a superstructure but three decks inside (lower for animals, middle for humans, and upper for aviary and window). 7 pairs of eating animals were taken, 2 pairs of all others, and 7 pairs of birds. Noah, his wife, their three sons and wives lived on the middle deck and fed the animals from storage bays and 2 massive bronze water tanks equal distance apart for balance. The Ark never was rocked by the deluge but floated. Looked like a barge and was as heavy as a small aircraft carrier guestimated by military naval experts at around 22,000+ tons! It survived 40 days and nights of rain and then 150 days of high water. it drifted over to the Ararat range and settled there. It took another 7.5 months for the waters to recede and dry land to appear. Total time spent in the Ark was 13.5 months! An awesome boat it had been visually seen by F-86 pilots flying over the Ararat range and Turkey does not allow people to climb the mountains in search for the holy relic although recon has spotted it impaled at a lower elevation from constant slides. It is trapped in ice most of the year and is out of range for helicopters. People have taken wood from the boat for centuries but its position was constantly shifting with melts and sliding down the mountain until impaled. It remains in the same postition now. One has to ask the question of how the Bible can be a myth when that ship is at that elevation on a mountain!!! It could only have floated there b/c construction would be impossible at that height from that original time.
Noah’s Ark held up good
passed the time

Constructed of resin wood
Three deck tryin’
Hot tar applyin’

450 ft in cubits
Air slots cut around
Payload would be heavy
Deluge came and yet nobody drowned

[Massive barge floated high above ground]

Noah’s Ark held up good
passed the time
Saved lives

It was huge
It was huge
It was huge
Seven stories wide, four high
Creatures in pairs
Noah’s family
Year to get dry

[Olive leaf sign]

Mankind free
Noah’s Ark held up good
passed the time
(boat settled on mountain in Turkey)


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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Patrick - October 17, 2012 - Report this comment
You are one of the few to mention the taking of seven pairs of animals for food. This gets left out of the usual folklore depictions of the flood. Can the Ark be seen on Google Earth?
Rob Arndt - October 17, 2012 - Report this comment
The best accounts of the Ark come from military pilots that have seen it on the side of a mountain in the Ararat range. They took pictures of it and at some point it was pierced on its port side. In the 1980s a Christian group gained access to a mountain in that range and found an odd ship-shaped fossilized stretch of land that they believed was the Ark, again with a puncture on its port side and claimed recovery of ancient ship anchor pieces. The fossilized remains were to be scanned with GPR (Ground Penetrating Radar) and the results released. Some view this photo as what is left of the Ark: http://www.arkdiscovery.com/P1050540.JPG
Meriadoc - October 17, 2012 - Report this comment
I seem to recall that it was made of s***tam wood, or acacia, was it not? Very interesting parody and photo, although I have to admit to being a bit skeptical of the photo. Just looks like part of the mountains to me.

Funny - the filter parsed my perfectly acceptable phrase above!
Rob Arndt - October 17, 2012 - Report this comment
It was made of Gopher wood which is closest to and most accurately translated as a "resinous wood" (there are many types).

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