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Song Parodies -> "Attire Advice"
Original Song Title:
"Popeye the Sailor Man"
Original Performer:
Sammy Lerner
Parody Song Title:
"Attire Advice"
Parody Written by:
Stan Hall
The Lyrics
Found this tucked away in some old e-correspondence while clearing out my mailbox this afternoon. It's a reply I jokingly sent my then-college-student daughter and her friend during their college years when they'd written me about plans to attend their first big college blow-out party. It wasn't at the time written as a song parody, but the limerick-form verses do more or less fit the Popeye tune, so here it is. (This "pop" relied on daughter's good judgement in the real instance.) :-)
You asked what to wear, and I say:
“Whereas cleavage is merely risqué,
it’s a cert ev’ry rogue’ll
with hungry eyes ogle
a totally topless display.
For which do I think you ought opt?
To be, with neckline deeply dropped,
coquettish contriver
or Lady Godiva,
parading entirely untopped?
The first I opine you should choose,
Lest one glance make you “yesterday’s news.”
Tittilation, I’ll warrant,
shouldn’t swamp like a torrent,
but ought, like a syrup, to ooze.
(Still, in case your big party grows wild,
whatever you wear should be styled
to come off in a flash
so, my girl, with panache,
you can keep the whole comp’ny beguiled.)"
“Whereas cleavage is merely risqué,
it’s a cert ev’ry rogue’ll
with hungry eyes ogle
a totally topless display.
For which do I think you ought opt?
To be, with neckline deeply dropped,
coquettish contriver
or Lady Godiva,
parading entirely untopped?
The first I opine you should choose,
Lest one glance make you “yesterday’s news.”
Tittilation, I’ll warrant,
shouldn’t swamp like a torrent,
but ought, like a syrup, to ooze.
(Still, in case your big party grows wild,
whatever you wear should be styled
to come off in a flash
so, my girl, with panache,
you can keep the whole comp’ny beguiled.)"
© Stan Hall
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I'm a limericks fan. . .have written more than 2000. whatfreaks has a limericks section, which you might want to check out. Reminds me. . .need to start sendin' 'em in again.
Good one. Young people don't have any sense when it comes to clothes. I found the mini skirt hard to give up.
There once was a fellow named Stan
Who was a good limerick man
My three fives he'll "Win-ich"
But, unlike Popeye's spinach
He won't have to open the can
olive oyl kept popping into my head
Sir Stan, ~Lord of Halls~ this piece hardly seems written by a loving Father to his daughter? Frank Sinatra would wince at this . . .
It's probably true that, if the message about appropriate behavior around the opposite sex hasn't sunk in before a daughter goes to college, it's probably too late. But this clever parody is proably not something I would have shared with my 2 daughters when they were in college.
Thanks for the 5s, everyone. UnTopped and JJ: Not to worry -- my contributions here may suggest I overindulge in smar-a**ery, but I'm neither nuts nor a careless or uncaring dad. Indeed, absent the lifelong history of excellent and open communication--which isn't necessarily to say unfailingly aligned perspectives--that emboldened this particular daughter to freely discuss her plans, and that assured me she'd read those lines in the joking spirit in which offered, I'd never have written'em. Understand, too, that limerical "counsel" is reproduced here out of context. :-)
Sir Stan, perhaps you & your daughter were similarly aligned to King Lear & his dear Cordelia? If that be so, Sir, then all is forgiven, as no harm was ever intended, just an observation offended.
Gracious me, Cakes ... I do hope daughter and I are not like Lear and Cordelia! I'd never disinherit her for failure to flatter my vanity, and I hope a need to rescue me from madness and ill use by her sibling never calls upon her constancy! Rather, I think the daughter and dad in the lovely novel/fim "Juno" a much preferable model, and nearer the mark in my reality. :-)
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