I'm no longer closin' my mind
To a situation that strikes me, as bein' peculiar
I have become aware of a strange condition
That began some time ago, and is fast approachin'
The epidemic stage,,
And that's Stubble, my friends, it's there,
I say, Stubble,
On those male movie actors..
It doesn't take a Philly lawyer
To spot 'em..on TV every day
I'm wonderin'..how could this be fashion ?
It's a hindrance...to people like Gillette
Sorta' looks like dirty faces..
And doesn't make much horse sense
Anyone can see, and anyone can tell
It's a plain lack of hygiene

They need to go and scrape that off
Ought to look their Sunday best
Keep their faces bare..
Not just walk around with those follicles
On their cheeks..exposed to us
Now what if the ladies wouldn't bathe,
Could that also become a fad ?
You know it would not..
It would be a travesty..
Away from these gals, guys would be runnin'
Not a chance in Halifax, they would accept it

So friends, where is the answer?
Why won't they understand..
Sloppiness is not stylish,
It's a fantasy..
Probably caught on from some
'Just out of bed' scene in a Hollywood movie
And appealed to kooky teenage females
This is serious business, Yes!
And we all need to do our part to defeat it..
Beat down this unsightly fad..
Target those Stubble Joes, send in letters
Organize rallies,
Drive it away..
Friends, let me tell you what I think
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six, or more
Male celebs..
Appearin' on late nite shows daily
Men with reputations
Why'd they resort to such Fool stuff?
With a capital "F"
Followed by a "G"
And then by an "H" and that stands for Hugh
I'm talkin' Hefner, Playboy Sheik,
High in his Hollywood mansion,
Hoot hoppin' during his noontime, suppertime,
Nightimes, too !

He'd have no time for shavin'
In that smoke jacket..pipe puffin' high
Grabbin' them babes in a blast a' passion
Sittin' in hot tubs to soak,
With three flawless females, sex elected,
Fills desires all day with Stubble..
Oh yes, chafin' feminine skin with Stubble
Wearin' nothin' but brief apparel
Reckless, like Errol...Flynn, who's legendary
In early Tinsel Town..
Then, men scoffed Stubble,
I said, Stubble,
And that starts with "S"
And it rhymes with "Yes"
Next thing's a caress..and a gal's got trouble

But gettin' back to Stubble,
Yeah, they got Stubble,
Those macho movie actors
Grubby cheeks and chin
They diss famous men,
Slouch of dress, more like a slave
I'm tellin' ya'..
They've surely got Stubble
It defies Max Factor's
Yes Sir !
And it's pretty obvious
That they're all just..
Too dang lazy to shave..

Stubble,
Ugly snips of Stubble,
New York and California
On a whimsy fling,
They let whiskers cling
Dark face like a bear..
That's why I warn ya'
They've surely got Stubble
That old "Five O'clock Shadow"
It used to be bad, oh..
Not now !
Gotta' figure out a way
To get 'em back to shavin' fuzz off from there..
Stubble, Stubble, Stubble Stubble, Stubble, Stubble