Muff the tragic drag queen
Wished to be a she
But instead he was really pissed
Cause lack of currency
That one gay bar owner
Loathed that basterd Muff
So brought him drugs and old mousetraps
And other painful stuff

Oh!
Muff the tragic drag queen lived in self-pity
And wore a really crappy dress
From a place called Jubilee
Muff the tragic drag queen longed for surgery
Or just to be castrated by a guy named Buddha Lee

With make-up he would travel in a group of disallowed males
Muffy kept on leading jerks cross-dressing with a vial
Other queens and ditzes would join with their flame
Swaying hips would show they're fags when Muff roared out his shame
Oh!

Muff the tragic drag queen yelled out his plea
"Alcoholic or was he blitzed?" Asked a babe named Hannah Lee
Muff the tragic drag queen was neither one you see
He just wanted to get rid of his lower parts manly

A drag queen lives for pleasure just like Jackson's boys
Fairy wings and countless rings make up all of his joys
In one strange way it happened Mr. Happy became no more
And Muff that flirty drag queen yelled, "Hey! That's So Hard Core!!!"

The partied till tomorrow he entered the parade
Muff no longer lead the group wearing that pink chain
Without his life long append-age, Muff was not the same
So Muff that pouting drag queen went off to go complain
Oh!

Muff the tragic drag queen had paid his fee
This conflict really got him pissed I mean quite literally
Muff the tragic drag queen got rid of his we-we
He got tricked; he's stuck like this shoulda got a guar-an-tee