In tropical climes there are certain times of day
When all the citizens go home'n tear their pants off for some groanin'
It's one of the rules that the greatest fools obey
Because the sun is much too public a locale to void one's faecal-violent spray
The natives grieve when the white men leave their huts
Because they're obviously, definitely nuts

Mad dogs and Englishmen poop out in the mid-day sun
The Japanese don't care to, the Chinese wouldn't dare to
Hindus and Argentines poop where they're seen by no one
But Englishmen poop proudly and loudly
In the Philippines they have lovely screens to protect you from the sight
In the Malay States, there are loo's with gates where the Britishers won't shite
In large groups the natives poop where they are seen by no one
But mad dogs and Englishmen poop out in the midday sun

It's such a surprise for the Eastern eyes to see
That when the English take a shite, they're mighty proud to share the sight
When the white man dumps every native comes to see
Because the native people hope he will impale his Anglo arse hole on a tree
It seems such a shame when the English maim the earth
With the piles of what comes from their Anglo girth

Mad dogs and Englishmen poop out in the mid-day sun
The toughest Burmese bandit can never understand it
In Rangoon to poop at noon is just what the natives shun
They close their sphincters right down, and lie down
In a jungle town where the sun beats down to the rage of man and dog
The English dance in their English pants and they dash to dump their log
In Bangkok at twelve o'clock their knickers are not un-done
But mad dogs and Englishmen poop out in the midday sun

Mad dogs and Englishmen poop out in the mid-day sun
The smallest Malay rabbit deplores this foolish habit
In Hong Kong they strike a gong and fire off a noonday gun
To reprimand each inmate who poops late
In the mangrove swamps where the python romps no one pees from twelve till two
Even caribous lie around and snooze, for it's not the time to poo
In Bengal to move a bowel is seldom ever done
But mad dogs and Englishmen poop out in the midday sun