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Song Parodies -> "Why Won't All Of You"

Original Song Title:

"Does Your Chewing Gum"

Original Performer:

Lonnie Donnegan

Parody Song Title:

"Why Won't All Of You"

Parody Written by:

Sarcastic Paranoid

The Lyrics

On all the political blogs out there, the language sometimes gets very salty and the vitriol flies hard and fast (and hot, and sticky and--well, see Pandagon for the details, but I should warn you in advance that this hate-crazed feminut's preferred way of expressing herself brings the salt in "salty language" to a whole new level). Now this is all protected free speech and if wallowing in your hatred for God and man alike helps all you nutroot leftards out there blow off a little steam, jolly good for you. Just remember that there are several good reasons why Ann Coulter's career is as a columnist, and not as a staffer on somebody's campaign. Bear in mind also that many of them are the same reasons why no one in his right mind could afford to hire you. The following composition is, of course, sung from the point of view of that most incredibly clueless candidate, John Edwards himself.
Oh me! Oh my! We're screwed
Over a blogger feud;
Stuck it to ya,
A dab of that'll do ya.
I'd give a lot of dough
If only I could know
Why all you drunken, inbred,
Redneck fundies hate me so!

Why won't all of you Christo-fascist
Nazi godbags vote for me?
When you told me that I "blew it"
Did you mean literally?
Should I toss Amanda Marcotte?
Don't you like obscenity? (Eek eek!)
Why won't all of you Christo-fascist
Nazi godbags vote for me?

So God's all sticky white; (Ha ha!)
The Bible-humping right-- (Ha ha!)
How could they fault her
If she crapped on someone's altar?
All of Pandagon's swearing
Never meant a blessed thing!
But as my ratings begin to sink,
Backfire begins to sting!

Why won't all of you Christo-fascist
Nazi godbags vote for me?
When you tell me that I "blew it"
Do you mean literally?
Should I also toss McEwan?
Don't you like her bigotry?
Why won't all of you Christo-fascist
Nazi godbags vote for me?

Now the newsmen rise as one
To condemn what she's done--
No, not Miss Marcotte,
But the gal who called me "faggot"
Still, you've wrecked my intent
To be the Pres-I-dent;
So now to all you Christians
I must make this great lament:

"Who do I gotta spray spirit on
to get a break with you folks!?"
(Once more!)

Why won't all of you Christo-fascist
Nazi godbags vote for me?
When you say I really "blew it"
Do you mean literally?
What do you mean you don't like my
Metrosexuality?
Why won't all of you Christo-fascist
Nazi godbags vote for me?

Won't you bumpkins vote for--

"Who's the one who loves you
And the one who holds you tight?"

"Kerry and Obama,
And Mark Foley from the right!"

Won't you rollers vote for--

"Would you go for a Playstation
When it's Christmas time?

"I'd sing to you about it,
But it wouldn't really rhyme."

Won't you suckers vote for me?
"Yeah!"

[A shrill mob of leftard bloggers leaps to its feet and shrieks its approval.]
Incidentally, I happen to know someone who knows someone who's running for President right now, and I've even done a little paperwork for this someone in the past. If he ever asked me to be a regular staffer, though, I'd have to decline, for the same reason any outspoken partisan with half a brain would: telling your enemies in elaborate detail what you really do think of them is never a winning campaign strategy, and I do that on quite a regular basis. For that matter, I don't think anyone on this site would make a good staffer--which is why I would like to encourage every one of you leftards to go attach yourself to someone's political campaign. Your candidates need to be reminded as depressingly often as possible just what kind of people they're supposed to be representing.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   20
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