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Song Parodies -> "Knights, a King, and One Round Table"

Original Song Title:

"Empty Chairs at Empty Tables"

Original Performer:

Les Miserables

Parody Song Title:

"Knights, a King, and One Round Table"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The fourth in a series of showtunes that I have taken a liking to. Inspired by that new King Arthur movie coming out. The lament of the most well-known King that never existed.
[King Arthur]:
There's a meeting here that's broken
It's a shame I have to come
All the Knights around the table -
I hate ev'ry single one.

They engage in prostitution
Joust with ev'ry pretty maid
Here they drink my scotch they "borrowed"
Drain it down like lemonade.

At this table, free of corners
Men are drunk, or high, or bored
Robin's minstrels won't stop singing!
Will someone spear them now?
These merry knights should all be hung!
I'll cancel the reunion...
Send them on a death crusade - they're gone!

Lancelot - I'm not forgiving
To the dungeons, now, be gone!
Percival - you're too outspoken
I shall have your head withdrawn!

Damn Sir Kay and his agenda!
Damn Sir Bedevere's divorce!
If you're late to this round table
You're a heretic - a whore!

Oh these so-called men, they're pansies!
Got to keep them, all the same
Empty heads around my table...
What a price to pay for fame!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   12

User Comments

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EmiLoca - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Doh! Apparently, Sir Robin is not even a Knight of the Round Table. Oops. Stupid historically incorrect Monty Python movies. I honestly thought they were documentaries.
Kristof Robertson - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Emi...wooahh! This is again, brilliantly written, and a little scary! 555
Leo Jay - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Sucks to be the King, eh? Hee-hee -- Nicely done, EmiLoca! Maybe you should do an Eagles parody next: "One of these Knights..."
EmiLoca - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Kristof and Leo! Unfortunately, I don't know many Eagles songs (that's 'any' with an accidentally added 'm').
Spelig Bie - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey, I told u I'd visit! Nice job, I gave u a perfect score. U still owe me five dollars. X-)
Stray Pooch - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Well if you're gonna parody a song from the greatest musical ever written and add in a character from the greatest comedy group ever I HAVE to give 555!!!! "Empty heads around my table" could be the lament of any number of Presidents of the US as well . . . Good Job!
Meriadoc - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice job Emi. Altho' I suspect the King Arthur movie will be about as historically accurate as Braveheart was... :-P
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
*awkwardly makes eye contact from a distance* Err, hey. I, uh, liked you parody. It Sir Tanly deserved fives. *bashful chuckle... eyes averted...* So, you're looking well... how are things?........I'll... I'll call you... *awkward exit*
EmiLoca - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Stray Pooch (I agree), Meriadoc (I agree) and oh yeah, Spelig Bie (I do NOT agree).
finger in a socket - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
(zap !)ow! Good stufff (zap) owwww!
The Thought Police - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
(Hmm, first attempt at an alternate screen name has met with failure...) Actually EmiLoca, Monty Python is more of a "mockumentary"and its portrayal of Camelot,much like yours had me luaghing so hard, "I soiled me armor" Three 4's--NO WAIT! I mean three FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVvvvvvvessss!!!!!
John Jenkins - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
It would be impossible for you to continue to write excellent parodies to classic "Les Miserables" songs; but, as long as you do, you get 5s from me. Even you anachronism was humorous, especially since you caught it.
EmiLoca - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Gee...well, thanks finger in a socket (OW!!! Just use your normal sn, dammit! This hurts!), thanks The Thought Police (Those fives...African or European?), and thanks John Jenkins. Unfortunately, my next one's from Chicago - not so great of a musical, but gimme a break. There's not a single good, virtuous character in the show. I'm drawn to it.
EmiLoca - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
*eyes JARLB's comment uneasily and chokes back a sob*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 24, 2004 - Report this comment
*ring ring....ring ring....ring ri-ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE...* Oh, err.... hi, it's me. Luke. I guess I missed you..... I'll, um.... try again later..... I....I.....I miss y-*tapes cuts off*
Laurence Dunne - June 25, 2004 - Report this comment
The question is not the historical accuracy of the monty python holy grail movie..the question is the accuracy of the new King Arthur movie. Does a watery tart throw a sword at him? Does he eat his minstrels with much rejoicing? Does sir not appearing in this movie make a cameo? Does Arthur get arrested by the London Metropolitan Police while trying to wrest the holy grail from the hands of mocking french invaders with outrageous accents? If not, then i'm afraid we have to treat this movie for what it truly is: Hollywood making a mockery of history once again. Oh and I gave you five (three sir) fives
Lee OJ (the evil sarcastic twin) - June 25, 2004 - Report this comment
EmiLoca, I hope you're not judging your assessment of 'Chicago' on that recent cheezy film adaptation. I mean, Rob Marshall's not without talent as a director, but unfortunately, he was saddled with, um... 'movie stars' for this piece of second-rate cellu-crap. Get the opera star to spring for a trip to NY so you can see it done the way it's supposed to be done -- make it a Metropolitan Opera/Broadway excursion...

Having said all that... no, it still isn't the greatest musical theatre piece ever written, but at least give it a fair shot and see it with all the authentic Broadway razzle-dazzle...
Tibbygirl - June 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I have no idea what the original song is, but I thought that the writing was really good. Of course, because none of us expect anything less from EmiLoca.
The Thought Police - June 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Anything by Fosse is at least worth seeing once-and Emi,I believe that was an African,no ,WAIT ! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
finger in a socket - June 25, 2004 - Report this comment
(bzzt!) ow! Thanks for getting TTP to answer another "Quest"ion ,now I'm at the keyboard! (zzzt) ouch! ( Hmmm, this cheap bastard's STILL on dial-up ?)BZZZZT! OOOOwch ! (Sigh) Well anyway ,I'll probably NOT be seeing the new King Arthur movie when it comes out ---I don't think it'll be the same without the element of magic in the story-in short ,I'll doubt it'll be as good as ---EXCALIBUR.(which,strangely enough,started out as an attempt to make a "Lord of the Rings" movie but the producers couldn't come up with the cash neccesary to complete it.) (bzzzt!) ow! It's true,really !
Adagio - July 14, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) Good one, Emi
Johnny D - July 16, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) Brilliantly bittersweet.
martha - July 18, 2004 - Report this comment
very cute and whimsicall gets my vote(ABCs)
Jeff Reuben - July 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny song, although I can't get past Percival as a closer for the Angels
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh, I've already been here under my loser-pseudoname JARLB. And guess what?! THE PARODY STILL ROCKS!!!
Sylvia Viridian - February 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Aw, who cares if Sir Robin wasn't really among the historical knights, I certainly cracked up upon seeing his name there. Well done, indeed, five threesir fives for you!
Phil Alexander - November 18, 2014 - Report this comment
Coming in very late here, but this is brilliant :-D

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