Just hear that cold wind howling and snowplows plowing on through
But we know that won't stop you; you'll drag me shopping with you
Inside the wives are buying and husbands crying boo-hoo
I'd rather eat yak droppings than to be hat shopping with you

Ring it up! Ring it up! Ring it up! Let's go
It's time for my show
I'm missing an "Alf" rerun, you know
Bag it up! Bag it up! Bag it up! I'm done
This day's as much fun
As standing around while a clown takes a staplegun to my tongue

My wallet's nice and empty but we've got plenty of new
Expensive worthless items the world's been hiding from you
With all these shops before us you'll make us poor as dirt too
Oh God this time's unending I'm spend-spend-spending with you

By the dressing room I find an empty bench at last
I'll be right here checking out some teenage wench's ass
I been working all day as your damn valet without a single nap
While you're loading me up with bags and bags of crap
Crap crap crap

There's a happy feeling nothing in the world can match
When I make it to the car with both my arms attached
It'll nearly be like a miracle if I can even drive
This parking lot mess is a stress takes a couple years off our lives

Just see that blizzard blitzing and ice storm spritzing us too
You say that's lovely weather to go shopping together with you
For bankruptcy we're filing and bills are piling up due
Next time I'll sure know better than to "go buy a sweater" with you