I.
A poet who would parody this song to earn his dinner’ll
Soon find he needs more info than a modern Major General
On critters, rocks and veggies, both nutritious and inedible
--At least he’ll need the buzzwords that’ll make his BS credible.
The gamut of arcana literary and math’matical,
The marginalia known to men who’ve sworn oaths Hippocratical,
What “Hastings” names in Agatha’s whodunits and in histories
Are but the iceberg’s tip of what to him should not be mysteries.

Are but the iceberg’s tip of what to him should not be mysteries.
Are but the iceberg’s tip of what to him should not be mysteries.
Are but the iceberg’s tip of what to him should not be mysteries.

And yet this needed knowledge, tho’ in compass vos Savantian,
Can rest on footing flimsy as what’s known by knowers Kantian.
In short, one’s erudition must exceed a simple smattering
But needn’t be profounder than facilitates glib pattering.

In short, one’s erudition must exceed a simple smattering
But needn’t be profounder than facilitates glib pattering.


II.
No cup to the giddyup of cadence may be let trickle
Into a queue of couplets cast in iambs octametrical
Of grammar, syntax, punctuation, there may be no selling out;
Elisions need apostrophes and spoken diphtongs spelling out.
Now, ev’ry rhyme the faithful mime must make at least three-syllable
And here’s a hint on how to make that mandate more fulfillable:
Neologistic license is okay in measures moderate
(e. g. one might write “architects adeptly can façaderate.”)

(e. g. one might write “architects adeptly can façaderate.”)
(e. g. one might write “architects adeptly can façaderate.”)
(e. g. one might write “architects adeptly can façaderate.”)

And with the whole the poet’s goal must be to meet this metaform:
Parts one and two propose a view part three rejoins sonnetiform.
In short, the perfect parodist will never stoop to dirtyin’
His spoof with any rhythm, rhyme, or structure unGilbertian

In short, the perfect parodist will never stoop to dirtyin’
His spoof with any rhythm, rhyme, or structure unGilbertian


III.
When someone crafts a Gilbert–bot that, keeping all that’s sacrosanct
In “Major Gen’ral” take-offs, he’ll be duly for that macro thanked.
But meanwhile only apers amply armed with ingenuity
Can model “Major Generals” that match the master’s to a “T”
For only major minds can cope with assonant complexity
That would in brains less bright beget a general perplexity
(Tho’ maybe doping dabblers could concoct a spot-on copy by
Composing with a hookah handy to sustain a poppy high).

Composing with a hookah handy to sustain a poppy high).
Composing with a hookah handy to sustain a poppy high).
Composing with a hookah handy to sustain a poppy high).

Still, simulating Savoy songs sets no bars insurmountable.
A strategy quite simple offers rules both few and countable.
In short, aspiring parodists who heed this primer will burlesque
This song in ev’ry major mode that’s generally Gilbertesque.

In short, aspiring parodists who heed this primer will burlesque
This song in ev’ry major mode that’s generally Gilbertesque.

© Stan Hall