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Song Parodies -> "I am the Very Model of a Presidential Candidate"

Original Song Title:

"I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert & Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"I am the Very Model of a Presidential Candidate"

Parody Written by:

Chris Frederick

The Lyrics

This attempts to remain true to the spirit of the original song, while changing the profession to something less honorable.
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate,
I flip and flop, and like a flounder, on the issues vacillate.
I listen to the polls and say exactly what they tell me to,
And hope to make you think I have precisely the same goals as you.
I look into opponents' closets, pull out every skeleton,
But question me on policy, I'll wobble just like gelatin.
I'm highly dedicated to all matters pure political,
Compared to which the country's welfare isn't very critical.

I'm very good at telling lies with unsurpassed sincerity,
Like "All I do, I do for you, to foster your prosperity."
In short, in matters economic, social, and those of the state,
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

I love our Constitution and know how to make it work for me.
The Bill of Rights is just a guide that I ignore selectively.
The laws of this great land of ours were written with a lot of thought,
So when I violate them, it's important that I not get caught.
I never miss a photo op because it's free publicity.
I smile, shake hands, kiss babies and praise everyone's ethnicity.
Then I can face my rival in a widely televised debate
And cast aspersions on his record, hygiene, wife, and running mate.

My promises are all cliche' and none of them are practical,
But tax cuts, health care, schools and trees are all issues quite tactical.
I tell you what you want to hear on matters to which you relate.
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

In fact, when I learn how to get essential legislation passed,
When I can get more countries to reduce the nukes they have amassed,
When my vast store of expertise can fill encyclopedias,
And my affairs with interns I can hide from all the media,
When economic crises I know how correctly to avert,
When I learn more of compromise, and enemies I can convert:
In short, when I earn the respect of people all across the land,
You'll say a better President has never been so close at hand.

For how to run a country, though I know how theoretically,
Is something that you can't be taught by doing it hypothetically.
But still I hope the voters think that I can learn to do it great.
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 38

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   4
 2
 1
 
 5   33
 35
 36
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Excellence....sophisticated humor with great lines and references
Kristof Robertson - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
One vote and comment before mine? What's going on here, people?? This was, yet again, a prime example of blue ribbon writing from you, Chris. 555+
Rex - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Can I vote 555 times for this parody?
The Gay Voice - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
The Bill of Rights is just a guide that I ignore selectively. That line is my favorite. . .because IT IS SO TRUE!!
Dee Range - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Superbly written, bashes ALL politicians, which are the only type of political parodies I like. Top notch 5's
John Jenkins - May 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Very well done, Chris. I particularly like the skeleton/gelatin couplet.
Phil Alexander - May 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Utterly brilliant - one of the best Major-General parodies on amiright (and that's saying something). Superbly cutting and witty all the way through :-D
Chris Bodily TM - June 11, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Tough song to tackle, and there are about 50 billion different parodies. And they just keep getting funnier and funnier. This is the perfect kind of political satire, and you need a lot of fives because this song is tough to parody. 555
Agrimorfee - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very damned good, especially in not repeating a single line. I don't think I could ever do IAAVMOAMMG justice.
McKludge - June 14, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Kudos for not calling out specific candidates, well, except for Bill. 555
Peter Andersson - June 17, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - This is a very good parody, but it's not based on the whole original song, is it?
Chris Frederick - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks to all who have commented thus far. Peter, based on the recording and the lyrics site I worked from, this is the whole original song, with the following exceptions: After the 8th line of each verse, background vocals repeat that line three times. After each chorus, background vocals repeat the last two lines of the chorus. Before the 8th line of each verse, the lead vocal pauses and stage-mumbles for a moment, as if trying to think of an 8th line that rhymes with the 7th. If you look through the other MMG parodies on the site, you'll find that most of them disregard these "extras" as I did (although some include them), because they are basically repetitive and can be inferred from the main lyrics.
Max Power - June 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Great
stuart mcarthur - June 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) this sits right up there in the canon of quality MMGs Chris - loaded with wit and sarcasm and insight - my favourite line was (for the pacing and wit) "And cast aspersions on his record, hygiene, wife, and running mate" but the whole thing was brilliant - 555
bobpiecheese - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You're on the up, my friend! Fave line was 'And my affairs with interns I can hide from all the media'. Taking a stab at Clinton, eh? Brilliant job!
Matthias - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Amazingly done, I'm not one for political parodies, but that was cool. You sorta messed with the OS and it made me kinda confused as I was following along with the OS, and I was lost towards the end, but the lyrics were clever and witty.
Chris Frederick - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Max, Stuart, Bob, and Matthias. For those who noted that they got lost when following along with TOS: don't worry, so did I. It seems that the YouTube video linked to this entry in the entry thread is a lot different from the version (from the Rhapsody online music service) that I based the parody on. For a version that matches better, please reference the lyrics on the Wikipedia page for the MMG song, and listen to the MP3 that's the last link on that page.
Peter Andersson - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Chris: As far as parodies of this song goes you are right about "most of them" but for one Spaff spoiled us rotten with his SOTY two years ago where he milked the repetetive choruses for all they were worth, and to quote him from memory it's in this area always nice to see that the parody writers has been smarter than the author of TOS, using additional rhymes to cover up the boring and repetetive parts. Then again repetetive choruses can sometimes add to the effect of the topic.
wannabemustangjockey - June 29, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - My God... this is quite possibly THE BEST political parody I've read. For one, it's one of the few that made me laugh instead of pissing me off!
The Charnstar - June 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I think wannabemustangejockey is correct, I actually kinda liked this political parody. I give it 5's.
Below Average Dave - June 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It's good for politics. . .very well written. . .although to be honest, I'm getting just a little burnt out on Major General, especially since I have to write one. . .but this one is certainly deserving of high praise-couldn't have executed it any better.
Jason - June 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Political perfection indeed!
Kristof Robertson - June 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above. I usually avoid political parodies like the plague, but this was so darn clever and funny, I couldn't ignore it.
Jack Wilson - June 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Ditto Kristof, THAT was AWESOME,and for a hard song too
Dave Robinson - July 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow, holy crap, this is amazing. Good job, man.
Leola - July 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Fantastic. This applies to every last one of them bass turds.
Christiana - April 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Great parody, but I think it would be better if you added a refrain that had an adaptation from the last two lines of each verse. It could be the American public answering back "en masse."

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