Woman:
Waiting for a train,
I was rather late today,
And I wait in vain!
None so sorrowful as they
Who can only sigh and say,
"Woe is me, I missed my train,
Woe is me, I missed my train."

Business men:
Now is not this ridiculous, and is not so scandalous?
Disgusting flout of service - why they say this train fast!
Didn't arrive hastily - you'd think they could not handle us
It's fifteen minutes late, why it was due at twenty past.
Instead of coming swiftly, and being priced quite thriftily,
Comfy seating, central heating - no, it is a farce!
Instead it comes in driftily while we wait for it miftily
Pretty sort of treatment for a fellow who's first class!
Instead it comes in driftily while we wait for it miftily
Pretty sort of treatment for a fellow who's first class!

Woman:
Good train driver, hear my prayer
Late for work and play are we
To Fortnum Mason I repair
To buy my caviar for tea
And we all depend on thee!
Twenty late commuters we.

Female commuters:
Yes, we all depend on thee!
Twenty late commuters we.

Train driver:
Though at the lights I wait
In a sore frustrated way
I cannot be the cause
Of whole damned delay,
I know truly what they say,
Twenty late commuters they!

Business men:
He knows truly what we say
So why this damned delay?

Woman:
Though some fault delays the lines,
Hasten now to Platform Three.
And my heart for London pines,
Like some classic poetry.
Twenty late commuters see,
Each is kneeling on her knee.

Female commuters:
Twenty late commuters see,
Each is kneeling on her knee.

Train driver:
Though, as I remarked before,
This fault is not due to me
There's a fundamental flaw
In the signals that there be,
On the platform I can see
Each is kneeling on her knee!

Business men:
On the platform he can see
Each is kneeling on her knee!
Now is not this ridiculous, and is not so scandalous?
Disgusting flout of service! ridiculous! And scandalous!
They say this train is fast

Female commuters/Business men:
Waiting for a / Now is this not ridiculous, and
train, I / Is this not so scadalous?
Was rather late to- /Disgusting flout of service, why
day, and / they say this train is fast
I wait in vain! / Didn't arrive hastily - you'd think they could
None so sorrowful as / not handle us, Now it's fifteen minutes late, why it was
They / Due at twenty past.
Who can / Instead of coming swiftily
Only / And being priced quite thriftily
Sigh in / Comfy seating, central heating
Pain / No, it is a farce, in-
"Woe is / -stead it comes in driftily,
me, I / while we wait for it miftily,
missed my / Pretty sort of treatment for a
train! / fellow who's first class, In-
Woe is / -stead it comes in driftily
me, I / while we wait for it miftily,
missed my / Pretty sort of treatment for a
train!" Twenty / fellow who's first class! Now
late com- /is this not ridiculous, and
-muters / is this not so scandalous, It's
we, / fifteen minutes late, yes it was
And / due at twenty past.
We all de- / Now is this not ridiculous, and
-pend on / is this not so scandalous? It's
thee! / fifteen minutes late, why it was,
Yes, we all / late, yes it was due at twenty past.
Depend / Now is this not ridiculous, and
On thee! / Is this not so scandalous?