When I'm dry as I can get
And my lips crave somethin' wet
Never sweat or get upset, I tip one high..
There's a sauce that I toss at parties called "Old Fashioneds"
Guess you could call me an "Old Fashioneds" kind a guy

And I'm a cad for caviar
Never wander from it far
If succumb, my fingers from, they'll have to pry
Just attack 'em, and love to snack 'em with "Old Fashioneds"
I'm a caviar and "Old Fashioneds" kind a guy

Though not in the social cliques
I get by with sneaky tricks
They call Ogleby, "Here I am, that's me!" I cry
Ogleby shows late..turned away, his fate..teeth gnashin'
I'm a Crasher and an"Old Fashioneds" kind a guy

People say I have the gift,
Smooth as corn starch thru a sift
Cool and glib..with an ad lib..a James Bond high
Sober I'm a bore, so I guzzle more "Old Fashioneds"
Guess you'd call me just an "Old Fashioneds" kind a guy

There ain't nothin' I ain't tried
With my Jekyll and my Hyde
Super Bowls, arrive in "Rolls"..box seats have I..
For a couple "Abes" hot bikini'd babes flick passion
Drinks and clinks show I'm an "Old Fashioneds" kind a guy

When I face mortality
If this talent works for me
Old hades..won't scorch my knees..They'll ship me sky..
Up in Heaven, those waitress Angels will keep dashin'
Shakin' cocktails for this "Old Fashioneds" kind a guy

Shakin' cocktails for this "Old Fashioneds" kind a guy