Every party needs a pooper, that's why I'm inviting you,
Party pooper, party pooper.
You can play your Mantovani, Debby Boone and Dan Hill, too,
Party killers, party pooper.
Won't you come and tell us all about your Branson vacation -
Bring a ream of photos, too.
Walk right in with your camcorder and shout, "Where's the party, Dude!".
We really need yoo-oo, we really need you!

Every party needs a pooper, so it might as well be you,
Party pooper, party pooper.
Bring lots of lutefisk and haggis, fruitcake, kim chee, too,
And we'll eat it and get nauseous.
You can dis my cuisine, say my house is a mess,
You can snoop around, too.
And don't forget the toilet humor and the songs about poo.
We really need yoo-oo, we really need you.