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Song Parodies -> "The Ninety-Eighth Percentile"
Original Song Title:
"Tevye's Dream"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Fiddler On The Roof
Parody Song Title:
"The Ninety-Eighth Percentile"
Parody Written by:
Starlette Victory
The Lyrics
This song is a little confusing, but it's about my getting PSAT scores back and doing really, really well. As if that's not spiffy enough, a certain cult of upperclassman females have taken my achievements as permission for me to hang with them. This cult is kind of like "Mean Girls" for geeks. They're the "in-crowd" of the mock trial team. To make fun of them, I call them the Mock Trial Bunnies. Lori is the MTB who is actually nice to me. Kari is an insignificant one. Maggi is the scary one who hates me, and Sophi is her older and wiser sister. I am Elli/Elana (pen name.)
(Lori)
A blessing on your head
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
I thought all hope was dead
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
It's such a pretty score
Shecouldn't ask for more
The ninety-eighth percentile!
(Elli)
"Test scores?"
(Lori)
On the PSAT
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
She did beautifully
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
She made a 205
That's really, really high!
The ninety-eighth percentile
(Elli)
"205! She must have heard wrong. She meant 130."
(Maggi)
You must have heard wrong, Lori
That's not Elli's
You mean 130, Lori
Because she cannot do math!
(Lori)
No! I mean 205, Maggi
My new best friend
My little Elli Mock Trial Bunny
Scholarships are hers to be!
For such a score she prayed
(Chorus)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
It's an amazing grade
(Chorus)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
Although she was so stressed
We Bunnies are impressed
The ninety-eighth percentile!
(Elli)
"But I scored so low sophomore year. I'm not a smart girl like them."
(Maggi)
Last year she bombed it, Lori
It was ugly
I am much smarter, Lori
She can't have beaten my score!
(Lori)
No! So you are jealous, Maggi
That's your headache
And as for your sad score, I say to you
Maggi, that's your headache too
(Chorus)
So now she's seen as cool, mazeltov, mazeltov
Among the genius school, mazeltov, mazeltov
It's such a pretty score
She couldn't ask for more
The ninety-eighth percentile
The ninety-eighth percentile
(Maggi)
The ninety-eighth percentile...
(Chorus)
Shah! Shah!
Look!
Who is this?
Who is this?
Who comes here?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
What woman is this
By righteous anger shaken?
(Solo Voices)
Could it be?
Sure?
Yes it could?
Why not?
Who could be mistaken?
It's Maggi's big sis, come from Harvard on break
It is Sophi, the oldest of the Bunnies!
Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair
Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair
(Sophi)
Maggi! Maggi!
Maggi! What is this about Elana defeating your test score?
(Chorus)
Yes, her test score
(Sophi)
Aren't you proud of your friend and teammate, my girl Elli?
(Chorus)
my girl Elli
(Sophi)
Have you no consideration for the woman's feelings
(Chorus)
Woman's feelings?
(Sophi)
She's been studying for two years just so she could beat you!
(Chorus)
She could beat you
(Sophi)
How can you show your face, how?
How can you begrudge her of victory?
You must accept... She's one of you
she's got the grades, clothes, now!
(Chorus)
How can you lack the self-respect
To show your face...
(Sophi)
She's...
(Chorus)
One... Of... Us... Now!
(Sophi)
Such a brilliant girl as Maggi wouldn't ever do that
(Chorus)
Ever do that
(Sophi)
I did that to a girl once when I was still in high school
(Chorus)
Still in high school
(Sophi)
Say you didn't give your blessing to the group's addition
(Chorus)
Group's addition
(Sophi)
Let me tell you what would follow such a fatal screwup
(Chorus)
Fatal screwup, shh!!
(Sophi)
If Maggi disses Elli then
I pity them both
She'll shun Elli three weeks
And when three weeks are up
Articles Elli writes
Will ruin Maggi's rep
And...
You'll be forever ruined! Eternally ruined!
Eternally ruined!!
Here's what's going to happen if she repeats my mistake!
(Elli)
A blessing on my head, mazeltov, mazeltov
Now Maggi's good as dead, mazeltov, mazeltov
It's such a pretty score
I couldn't ask for more
The ninety-eighth percentile!
(Maggi)
Nobody understands
(Elli)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Maggi)
But I'll meet their demands
(Elli)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Maggi)
I guess it's no great loss
Elli can join because:
(Elli)
The ninety-eigth percentile
(Both)
The ninety-eighth percentile
The ninety-eighth percentile
The ninety-eighth percentile
A blessing on your head
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
I thought all hope was dead
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
It's such a pretty score
Shecouldn't ask for more
The ninety-eighth percentile!
(Elli)
"Test scores?"
(Lori)
On the PSAT
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
She did beautifully
(Kari)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
She made a 205
That's really, really high!
The ninety-eighth percentile
(Elli)
"205! She must have heard wrong. She meant 130."
(Maggi)
You must have heard wrong, Lori
That's not Elli's
You mean 130, Lori
Because she cannot do math!
(Lori)
No! I mean 205, Maggi
My new best friend
My little Elli Mock Trial Bunny
Scholarships are hers to be!
For such a score she prayed
(Chorus)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
It's an amazing grade
(Chorus)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Lori)
Although she was so stressed
We Bunnies are impressed
The ninety-eighth percentile!
(Elli)
"But I scored so low sophomore year. I'm not a smart girl like them."
(Maggi)
Last year she bombed it, Lori
It was ugly
I am much smarter, Lori
She can't have beaten my score!
(Lori)
No! So you are jealous, Maggi
That's your headache
And as for your sad score, I say to you
Maggi, that's your headache too
(Chorus)
So now she's seen as cool, mazeltov, mazeltov
Among the genius school, mazeltov, mazeltov
It's such a pretty score
She couldn't ask for more
The ninety-eighth percentile
The ninety-eighth percentile
(Maggi)
The ninety-eighth percentile...
(Chorus)
Shah! Shah!
Look!
Who is this?
Who is this?
Who comes here?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
What woman is this
By righteous anger shaken?
(Solo Voices)
Could it be?
Sure?
Yes it could?
Why not?
Who could be mistaken?
It's Maggi's big sis, come from Harvard on break
It is Sophi, the oldest of the Bunnies!
Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair
Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair, Sophi Sinclair
(Sophi)
Maggi! Maggi!
Maggi! What is this about Elana defeating your test score?
(Chorus)
Yes, her test score
(Sophi)
Aren't you proud of your friend and teammate, my girl Elli?
(Chorus)
my girl Elli
(Sophi)
Have you no consideration for the woman's feelings
(Chorus)
Woman's feelings?
(Sophi)
She's been studying for two years just so she could beat you!
(Chorus)
She could beat you
(Sophi)
How can you show your face, how?
How can you begrudge her of victory?
You must accept... She's one of you
she's got the grades, clothes, now!
(Chorus)
How can you lack the self-respect
To show your face...
(Sophi)
She's...
(Chorus)
One... Of... Us... Now!
(Sophi)
Such a brilliant girl as Maggi wouldn't ever do that
(Chorus)
Ever do that
(Sophi)
I did that to a girl once when I was still in high school
(Chorus)
Still in high school
(Sophi)
Say you didn't give your blessing to the group's addition
(Chorus)
Group's addition
(Sophi)
Let me tell you what would follow such a fatal screwup
(Chorus)
Fatal screwup, shh!!
(Sophi)
If Maggi disses Elli then
I pity them both
She'll shun Elli three weeks
And when three weeks are up
Articles Elli writes
Will ruin Maggi's rep
And...
You'll be forever ruined! Eternally ruined!
Eternally ruined!!
Here's what's going to happen if she repeats my mistake!
(Elli)
A blessing on my head, mazeltov, mazeltov
Now Maggi's good as dead, mazeltov, mazeltov
It's such a pretty score
I couldn't ask for more
The ninety-eighth percentile!
(Maggi)
Nobody understands
(Elli)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Maggi)
But I'll meet their demands
(Elli)
Mazeltov, mazeltov
(Maggi)
I guess it's no great loss
Elli can join because:
(Elli)
The ninety-eigth percentile
(Both)
The ninety-eighth percentile
The ninety-eighth percentile
The ninety-eighth percentile
They're scary!!!!! (but rather cool)
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User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Scary high school geek politics + Jewish show tunes = a parody for the ages. I've been through this crap in high school, and I know how it feels. And on an unrelated subject, "Lazar Wolf" is probably the coolest character name in a musical.
Starlette, you're right it is confusing. Also long. The confusion for me is "Mean Girls" for geeks. It's like the two most unappealing aspects of high school rolled into one, who would want to hang with them?
I got it. Thought it was pretty cute, too!
Thanks guys.....I haven't been excommunicated from the cult so far, so that means that nobody at school knows my pen name on this site. :-) Tim Mayfield has obviously never been an excommunicated Mock Trial Bunny. A bit of cluing in: at the friendly neighborhood genius school, this particular cult gives girls a certain feeling of unity and almost-sisterhood. When they excommunicate you, they do it ruthlessly. When they un-excommunicate you, you're more than willing to sell your soul to stay un-excommunicated, even if they ARE a bunch of priss-faced know-it-alls.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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