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Song Parodies -> "Kweek of Horned Rat"

Original Song Title:

"Casey at the Bat"

Original Performer:

Ernest Thayer

Parody Song Title:

"Kweek of Horned Rat"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

Funny nobody hasn't written any Warhammer parodies yet...?
The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Skaven host that day:
The enemy was the Empire, and they were there to slay
They only had just ratmen while the Empire knights could ride
The foe had guns and crossbows which could pierce the Skaven hide

Another enemy troop appeared aside of all the rest
They wielded greatswords and in steel encased was human breast;
Now Warlord Nilax Venomfang prayed on Great Horned Rat
that Dice of Fate would favour them for else they'd get whacked

And Nilax checked subordinates, and his hope did not run high -
He had the sort of dullards that could make the Horned Rat cry.
For Gnawdrak was a coward, and Skritner was a fool
The Vasnaz was a nincompoop and Squeerik liked to drool

Their rank and file were Skavenslaves (or Clanrats, just the same)
Compared to human soldiers their performance was but lame
They had but iron scimitars while foe had steely flanks
And what did almost freeze his blood was seeing a Steam Tank

But Nilax had his hopes run high, he had hero he could trust
The Mighty Kweek of Horned Rat would save fight from going bust
His fur was black and shiny and his tail had spiky ball
He was bane of Elves and Orcs - now Humans, they shall fall

Then from 5,000 ratmen throats there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the battlefield, it rattled in the dale;
The battle was begun and the Stormvermin rushed at flanks
And center of the Skaven troops came closer Human ranks

The foemen had their cannons roar and it made Nilax yell
For they did hit Plague Furnace and his dreary Screaming Bell
It emitted fear whene'r it rang but it went broke, undone
Stormvermin too got beating and they turned their heels and run

And Nilax knew what must be done - the prospect was now grim
He called the mighty Kweek to rush at Empire cannon team
The jezzail team did supporting fire and Kweek he charged the guns
His sabre cut the Human flesh as gunners had been buns

He slew the crew of cannon but one man refused to die
The Master Gunner Kaspar fought back and Kweek was now tied
A dreary shadow appeared at left and it belched fire and lead
The Steam Tank had gone moving and it shot old Skritner dead

Now Empire knights had crushed his trusty Clanrats at the right
and Vasnaz came out second best in another fight
Nilax had his hopes still high though luck against him run
If Kweek could win his opponent the day could still be won

And now Kweek's mighty scimitar did rise with greenish glow
He stroke at Kaspar who was cut in two by mighty blow
That sword was magic, and Kweek swung it with uncanny skill
He knew that each time it would hit it made a certain kill

From Skaven ranks of ratmen there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
But all too late did Kweek denote that danger at his flank
The silent puffing belittled it as it was the Steam Tank

The tank closed steaming puff-puff-puff, it fired its turret gun
It missed - but it was scary enough, and Kweek, he tried to run
But while the Skavens' feet are swift and Kweek was skilled enough
The tank was faster and it rushed at Kweek who safety sought

And all the Skavens' eyes they spied a most horrific sight
A beast of steel and fire and steam had now engaged the fight
and Kweek, he tried to hit it with his mighty magic sword
But technology, it did prevail and Kweek, he now got gored

He got a mighty crushing hit of Steam Tank's steely hull
that nightmarish contraption came in like a raging buil
It has two cannons: one at hull and another, turret gun
They both now fired at point-blank range and Kweek, he was now done

Oh, all around at the Empire lands the sun is shining bright;
The girls are singing somewhere, and the children's hearts are light,
And prayers are sent to Sigmar and they speak of smile and thank;
But there is no joy in Skavenland - Kweek was squashed by tank

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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