Been a long one, got a surplus
Of big lumps on my rough epidermis
But I've found it, should be worth it
To take blows to the nose, it's my purpose
Pull it all out to the surface
Feelin' just like I've run through a furnace
Lit'rally happened but let's start a-crackin'
This open, it's flashin' gold like I imagined but

It's friggin' worthless
All of this work for what I can't hock for a two-digit purchase?
It's friggin' worthless
It hurts like all of my cracked bones, not one of 'em was worth this
It's friggin' worthless
I can't go back and serve this to my boss, now I'm nervous
So wrong to go back and drop off this crap
It's breakin' my contract, what's breakin' my contract is

Treasure that is shit, shit, shit, just a big ripoff, whoa-oh
Treasure worth a bit, bit, bit less than drama props, whoa-oh-oh-oh
Got so many blisters on hips and shoulders
From the traps and pointy things and huge boulders
So this find of mine should be solid gold
Wanted proper treasure, this is shit, shit, shit, man, this really blows, whoa-oh
Treasure should be big, big, bigger than Amazon's growth, whoa-oh-oh-oh
I know what's legit and what isn't proper
And what's phoney crap not worth half a dollar
Half of my job, I don't make bogus calls on imposters

It's friggin' worthless
Under the dirt that's preserved, you will learn that it's plastic on the surface
It's friggin' worthless
But though my brain hurts, hasn't burst, afraid it's still workin'
It's friggin' worthless
Somebody got in first, nicked the goods for their own purpose
And left this as a joke, who else would know
About these ruins crumblin' around me? I should go

I hate that I can't take the prize to raise
The information on the people who lived here, doy
That explanation just takes the pressure
Off my real pleasure of ownin' treasure
That's glowin' and glowin' but this is bogus

Treasure that is shit, shit, shit, it's a huge ripoff, whoa-oh
Treasure worth a bit, bit, bit less than lollipops, whoa-oh-oh-oh
I'm a little pissed 'cause I was so certain
I was gonna crack into this old chest first an'
Soak in the glory while restin' off the pain
All I've gained was treasure not worth shit, shit, shit, man, this really blows, whoa-oh
Treasure should be big, big, bigger than my rent, you know, whoa-oh-oh-oh
I feel like a twit, ev'ry move a blunder
This is not treasure anyone would plunder
Forest hikes and bites from tigers and snakes
Should land a crate worth the pain, real treasure