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Song Parodies -> "The Cravin' ( Part One )"

Original Song Title:

"The Raven"

Original Performer:

Edgar Allen Poe

Parody Song Title:

"The Cravin' ( Part One )"

Parody Written by:

Dee Range

The Lyrics

I loved Ingebord's Green Eggs And Ham parody so much yesterday that I decided to try my hand at THE RAVEN, my all time favorite poem. I didn't have enough time to finish it last night because it is so long, so part 2 will come out next week. Hope you like it
Once upon a prison kitchen, as I cook for sinners, bitchin'
Over many a pail and tedious volume of half-rotten boar
As they swallowed, nearly choking, suddenly I started hoping
That I hadn't left the cookies, burning in the oven door
This is sinister, I shuddered, burning in my oven door
Eating this but cravin' s'mores

I remember I'd forgotten, guess it shows my brain is rottin'
As each separate burning cookie crumbled down upon the floor
Miserly I eye disaster, somehow I had cooked them faster
From their looks now hard as plaster, plaster what were once s'mores
For right there the furious flaming tomb the oven flamed s'mores
Burning them, I'll make some more

And the milk had sadly curdled, lumpy, it sure needs a girdle
Gagged me, tagged me with bombastic tremors never felt before
"Tis some curlded milk repeating, exiting my stomach door
Just some curdled milk repeating, exiting my stomach door "
Sour it was, and that's fer shore

Hungrily my crave grew stronger, 'gurgitating milk no longer
"Well, said I, can't eat 'em, guess I'll have to make some more
'Cause the first ones were too crunchy, and I madly have the munchies
And so quickly I start mixing, shove them in the oven door
Flaming soon were my s'mores

Weeping at the dark mess, leering, long I stood there weeping, swearing
Pouting, screaming screams no convict ever dared to scream before
Guess the oven must be broken, 'cause the cookies sat there, smokin'
With a spatula I'm pokin' at the blistered, burned s'mores
Nearly bliss, but now no more

Back into the kitchen, churning, in the bowl I hope I'm learning
Soon again I smell the burning, somewhat stronger than before
"Dammit", said I, "Dammit, there is something in my oven that is
Broken, guess the thermostat is causing blistering s'mores
I will fix it in a minute and those blistering s'mores
Threw 'em out and made some more

Open do I fling the oven, then with many a curse I shove in
When in stepped 'ol Martha Stewart, she of saintly days no more
Would the stock malfeasance make her now a self redeeming baker
There the queen of yore, the faker, lurked in front of oven door
Lurched upon the crumbs of cookies littering my kitchen floor
Lurched, and stared, at burning s'mores

Then this old cookin' chick stood frowning at my cookies way past browning
To the trash we chuck and throw them, in the prison garb she wore
"Though your s'mores are black as raisins, I bet that you're still a-cravin'
Watch me work, you will be ravin', cravin' my delicious s'mores
Tell me what your ovens' game is, burning these pedestrian s'mores
You'll be burning nevermore

As I'm waiting this ungodly witch began to curse so loudly
Through the oven peeking little burning lumps of s'more
So I ran for help I'm fleeing, not believing what I'm seeing
Even now old Martha's seething...burned another batch of s'mores
Burned 'em beyond recognition, worse than those I burned before
Black as night, were her s'mores

TO BE CONTINUED

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   18
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 19
 

User Comments

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Ingeborg S. Nordén - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
That's Ingeborg, Dee--but my high-school English teacher would have been proud of this parody if you'd been in her class. Great rhymes, vivid imagery, subtle hints at the original text: 5-5-5.
John Barry - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
"Rotten boar." Sounds like Poe-pourri. Dee, this is wonderful!
Airfarcewon - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Fantastic! Can't wait for s'mores....It's not Poe!...It's Great!
Dee Range - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Ingeborg, sorry I mis-typed your name. And to you, John Barry, and Airfarcewon, many thanks for the kind words. Glad you liked it.
Arwen - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Holy Moly, Dee. I'm SO in awe...great job!
Johnny D - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Brilliant..."Would the stock malfeasance make her now a self redeeming baker".....brilliant....555
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
love the word-play - and so consistent - love the original and you've honoured it - fave line: "Would the stock malfeasance make her now a self redeeming baker" - inspired, sublime - 555
Dee Range - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Arwen and Johnny, thanks so much to you both!
Dee Range - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Stuart, many thanks. Much appreciated.
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
snap Johnny! - we must have posted at the same moment
Royce Miller - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Dee, I read this when you mentioned it was about Martha; while you wrote it so well, my opinion about Martha is expressed in my parodies about her.
2Eagle - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Memorize this version for high school English class.
Dee Range - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
2Eagle, thank you
Big Mark - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Look forward to Part 2. Triple 5 so far.
Dee Range - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Big Mark, thank you. Part two is finished as of now, and I will post the entire poem on Monday
2nz - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
If I weren't so busy currently, I'd find a copy of the original for comparisons. I get the feeling I'll get a lot more of the cleverness of this parody then. So let me say I will be back ASAP, and here's some pre-emptive 5's, since I've never been very good under peer pressure :c)

I just hope you manage to fit White Castle into the second one. Come on man, "It's What You Crave[in]"
alvin rhodes - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
this is wondrous....made me hungry too....5s
Dee Range - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
2nz and alvin, my thanks to you. The completed version will be posted Monday
Phil Alexander - October 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent... quoth the raven "never four" ;-)

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