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Song Parodies -> "The Shavin'"

Original Song Title:

"The Raven"

Original Performer:

Edgar Allan Poe

Parody Song Title:

"The Shavin'"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

Once upon a winter weary, set to scrape off whiskers, dreary
As I'd done with much futility, countless tedious times before,
Comes the inkling of a brainstorm, dripping ideas like a rainstorm,
So strong is this little brainstorm, falls the razor to the floor
"Tis a miracle," I utter, at the startled bathroom door.
"No more shavin'..nevermore!"

Quite precisely, I recall it, year two thousand in the fall, it
Still glows like a breeze fed ember on a beach bonfire'd shore
Anxiously envisioned beauty, absence of bored daily duty,
Proudly tweaks a sense of snooty, snooty as a high class whore
Pleasured thoughts of shave abstaining has me drooling on the floor
No one could have loved it more..

But the first short grubby stubble causes aggravation, double
Keeps me scratchin'..itchin'..bitchin'..more than shavin' did before
Brittle, nasty, and unsightly, says the wife, complaining nightly,
Ouches when we cuddle tightly, roughness makes her face red sore
For a whole week long complaining, forced to bear it more and more
So, I go sleep on the floor..

Comes much brighter days to follow, beard tips soften, tempers hollow
Says she loves it, curly, fuzzy, more growth peaks our sexual score..
We become high passion lovers, like Adam and Eve and others,
But outside, or 'neath the covers, to place beard, self questions soar
Thoughts lead to a lack of sleeping, such decisions, thinking o'er
Mental anquish, I endure

Finding higher peaked frustrations tweaked from snap miscalculations
Many painful situations, I am quite unprepared for..
Like an awful body draggin' from the wife's Ford staton wagon,
When, the beard so long and saggin'..she slams, tightly, in the door
Blessed, I am, she's only driving to a local groc'ry store
Scrape my knees, face got real sore

After whiles of rest and healing, normal life returns to reeling,
Go back to my job of teaching at a college, Baltimore
Perfect occupation, that is..my beard there, is added status,
Female students smilin' at us, wish I'd been unshaved before..
Fantasy thoughts bring on sleeping, long beard flutters with each snore
Don't wake up till after four..

When Dean Atkins shakes and finds us, and in certain terms reminds us
Little sleepies, countin' sheepies..is not what they pay us for
To make long tales short, I'm fired..trod hard pavement, stay unhired
Seems they seek faces, inspired, shaved like folks adore..
Not some gritty Walter Mitty knocking on their nice clean door
Reject crushes to the core..

Become a classic Mister Mommy, while the wife works, sells salami
Heavy housework, daily laundry, mind the children, all my chore
Bushy beard strands long and wavy, frequently dip into gravy
Perfect for a pirate's navy, If pegleg and eyepatch I wore
Hoist on up the Jolly Roger, I'll rehearse, "Aye Matey's" more
No more Shavin' 'less there's war..

Beard keeps causing weird restrictions, but wife loves my face convictions
Much like romance novel fictions, errotic links a common core
Increases motivation stronger, to leave it go on growing longer
She's a drum and I'm the gonger..one hairy sex life, fun galore
Giddy from big cash I'm saving..no toy needs at adult store
Ticklers grow from each face pore..

Rolling romps in sexual clover, are shortlived, ours, soon is over,
Stumble caused by pet dog Rover..sleeping on the kitchen floor,
On him, flipped like pancake turner, beard ignited from stove burner
Renders me a hard facts learner, of what term "Save Face" is for
Once released from this hospital, bad burn unit, second floor..
Me, stop shavin'?...."Nevermore"!!

Never! Never! Nevermore!



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 22

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   22
 22
 22
 

User Comments

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Dee Range - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Having tackled this monster twice, I can say this is fantastic. Great story AFW!
AFW - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Dee..love your version called, "The Wabbit"...I only did ten stanzas..I see in searching, very few wrote all eighteen..you did, when you split, what was it.? "The Cravin"" in two parts...
alvin - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
an absolute masterpiece...i can appreciate the work you put into this...love the tragic ending
Andria - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
What Alvin said. Also, this is a great job on a very difficult OP (original poem), and likely the oldest original ANYTHING (song or poem, used as a base for a parody) on AmIRight. If I hadn't memorized "The Raven" in high school, I couldn't have given you 5s, which I did.
TJC - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Incredible, intricate work and mucho skill on display here, AF... poe-try obviously one of your many strong, er, hir-suits!
John Barry - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Fantastic job, AFW! Congrats.
Mark Scotti - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Man, I can smell the opium!!!!!!! Incredible job. A bunch of 5's forevermore.....
AFW - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, alvin. yeah, whi[[ed.thanks, Andria, yeah..it's old alright...I'm not old enough to recall when it came out, originally, tho'..thanks, TJC..good pun, thanks, John....and thanks to Mark..yeah I guess Poe did puff some of that, huh?
Christie Marie M - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
This is better than Edgar Allen Poe (don't get me wrong, but I got nothing against the guy whatsoever. Was a big fan of his poetries). It's just that you made this one hilarious and at the same time very articulated and eloquent. I definitely echo Mark's comments. You also brought some characters to life with your poem/parody! I grant you 5 shaving creams, 5 razors, and 5 after shaves!
Tommy Turtle - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
When you consider he was an alcoholic/opium user who was kicked out of West Point, the output was pretty good. And Poe's wasn't bad, either.

LOL j/k. Lofty aspirations here, AFW! ... and well-done.
JP - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
I don't comment a lot, but I always love reading your stuff AFW and this is amazing. I've thought it many times before and this proves it once again....you, sir, are a genius.
2Eagle - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Good poem about an "itchy" topic. Better to grow a beard than tattoo your whole body.
AFW - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Thank you..Christie..for the kind comments...and also, thank you, Mr. Turtle..lol...I was hoping no one would find me out...actually, the Opie-um addiction was brought on by watching the "Andy Griffith Show" and Ron Howard...and thanks to you, JP...for your vote and such high praise..and thanks, 2Eagle...true, indeed..you can shave a beard..
John Jenkins - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job with all of the triple rhyming. You worked in "turner/burner/learner" and all of the others without forcing any of them. And I cannot fault you for stopping at 10 verses (Poe's version had 18) since my Raven parody only had 9.
AFW - February 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, John...yeah, if you're Poe, you can get away with 18...and still maintain a reader's interest..but I thought ten was enough..
LittleCupCakes - February 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir l'Air de Farce, I love Edgar Allen Poe ! ! This is quite Poetic in its flowing stanzas, yet still retaines that stamp of The Duke 0'Edge! Loved the line regarding Female Student adoration, Sir !
AFW - February 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, LCC..always good to get your cupcake seal of approval
Red Ant - February 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Ditto what John wrote about all the triple rhymes. Lovely storytelling and ending AFW, but my favorite line was "Bushy beard strands long and wavy, frequently dip into gravy/Perfect for a pirate's navy, If pegleg and eyepatch I wore". lol. 555
AFW - February 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Red Ant
adagio - February 22, 2009 - Report this comment
That was fascinating to read and funny!! 5's
AFW - February 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Thank you, adagio

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