(spoken)
Hey bonehead, it is with deepest exasperation
that we feel you should talk about your life
with the people who PAY for the sodding thing,
your parents!

(Father)
Leave. Our. Nest,
Leave our nest.
Time to get this off my chest!
look at me, son, when I talk to you,
you thirtysomething pest.
You're grown up,
getting grey
but expect us still to pay
for your cleaning, clothes and meals
and the fuel tank in your wheels.
We have met
all your needs
from breast milk to DVDs.
Get a place to call your own, it's for the best!
This ain't no room-and-board,
it's time to cut the cord,
so leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!

Comic books,
RPGs,
junk in piles up to your knees.
Don't you think that pungent stink
could do with disinfectant, please?
What's in this
pizza box?
Oh, another pair of socks.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
so get absent, go and wander.
You can move to Tibet
or to Baghdad, better yet.
You can take that elvish boat into the west!
I'm not concerned with 'where'
if you're not here, but there
so leave our nest!
(Now we're stressed,
just in case you hadn't guessed)
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!

Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
All this pizza you ingest!
It's no joke, with all this coke
you'll have a cardiac arrest.
Find a place, learn to cook.
Now don't cry, you're such a sook.
The word 'adult' has more meaning
than what magazine you're reading.
No blank cheque, no free pass,
Will you get up off your ass?
All you do is sit here playing EverQuest!
So go and get a job
you parasitic slob,
and leave our nest
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!

(Mother):
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
As your father will attest
You'll move on, you should have gone
when MC Hammer pants were best.
Get some friends, rent a flat,
did you ever think of that?
We can help you find a villa.
The champagne is in the chiller.
We'll use this room to store
things, if we can find the floor
down where all the cheese and crumbs have coalesced!
It's too much to endure!
Don't be so immature,
and leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!

(spoken)
Stresses are inherent
when you first become a parent
Sleepless nights and baby wipes, you carry on.
Ah, those bad old days with a teenager!
Strangely though, those days have never gone.
Thirty years we've been toiling
Cleaning all the things he's soiling.
Needing some respite, a chance to catch our breath!
Too long we've driven, paid and pandered
Working ourselves crazy
for a useless leech this lazy!

(Father)
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
You make both of us depressed.
We could scream, you're not a teen,
so start to clean and deinfest.
Joined as one, hear us shout:
You don't work, so now you're out!
(should I save this conversation
for the Bush administration?)
Now it's time, quid pro quo,
Should have done this years ago.
Pack your bags- it's a command, not a request!
We're both sick of your face,
So get out of this place
and leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
Leave our nest!
Please, leave our nest!!