Buy, buy, buy, buy! Buy, buy, buy, buy!
Buy, buy, buy, buy! Buy, buy, buy, buy Epil-Stop!

Well, if you're hairy and embarrassed
In a jif, you'll be the fairest -- Epil Stop
If you're really hirsute now
You'll be smooth and you'll be cute now -- Epil Stop
It's a cool creation
That will bring admiration -- Epil Stop

Ooooh, go try Epil-Stop!
Go buy Epil-Stop!
No hair, Epil-Stop!
No Nair, Epil-Stop!
Come on, order Epil-Stop!

Well, your legs you won't be shaving
Face and arms you'll soon be saving -- Epil-Stop
Gals can now wear string bikinis
And the guys won't look like weenies
While their chests and backs shine to the max -- Epil-Stop
Oh wow!

So hot, Epil-Stop
I got Epil-Stop
Good buy, Epil-Stop
Must try Epil-Stop
Impulse-bought Epil Stop -- and how!

[instrumental, with screams in the background]

Well, it's strong and it is burning
Look how red my skin is turning -- Epil-Stop
Oh, the smell it was scary
And I'm still so very hairy -- Epil-Stop
It has burning power
And I need a cold shower - Make it stop!

So-called beautification
Caused severe irritation -- Epil-Stop
Hope that nothing starts to pucker
Though I sure feel like a sucker -- Epil-Stop
I've still got the rash but I've lost some cash -- Epil-Stop!

Yeee-ow!
I tried Epil-Stop
I cried -- Epil-Stop
Cells died -- Epil Stop
Tanned hide -- Epil-Stop
Go kiss my ass, Epil-Stop!

Boo hoo hoo hoo! Boo hoo hoo hoo!
Boo hoo hoo hoo! Boo hoo, should sue Epil-Stop!