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Song Parodies -> "'How Great Wal-Mart'"

Original Song Title:

"'How Great Thou Art'"

Original Performer:

Carl G. Boberg

Parody Song Title:

"'How Great Wal-Mart'"

Parody Written by:

Andy Senior (aka The Carpal Tunnel Kid)

The Lyrics

Some may be offended that I have used a sacred song as the basis for this parody, but they should consider the reverence with which the Nation's Largest Retailer is viewed. Indeed, this is the only song that could possibly do justice to the subject.
Oh, Mighty Sam, when I in dizzy wonder
Consider all the stores thy hands have made,
I see thy signs, thy trucks roll in like thunder,
Thy name throughout America displayed,

Then sings my soul, thy prices are for me,
How great Wal-Mart, how great Wal-Mart;
The savior of our dead economy,
How great Wal-Mart, how great Wal-Mart!

Where once through woods, and forest glades I rambled
And heard the birds sing sweetly in the trees,
I see new roads, the traffic lanes all scrambled,
From which now wafts a gentle asphalt breeze;

But sings my soul, thy stuff is nearly free,
How great Wal-Mart, how great Wal-Mart;
But sings my soul, how could such bargains be?
How great Wal-Mart, how great Wal-Mart!

Thou giant store, in blue and gray all decked out,
I gasp to see thy shoppers rushing in;
For they all find, once their cheap junk they've checked out,
Their retail choices growing rather thin;

Still sings my soul, in plaintive melody,
How great Wal-Mart, how great Wal-Mart;
It's kind of tough to co-exist with thee,
How great Wal-Mart, how great Wal-Mart!

Now Wal-Mart owns the commerce of this nation,
Each rival know with bleakness in his heart;
Ten thousand fail with every new location:
They shake their heads and moan, "How great Wal-Mart!"

Now sings my soul, with bitter irony,
How great Wal-Mart, how great Wal-Mart;
I'm on the dole, my business ceased to be,
Thanks to Wal-Mart, thanks to Wal-Mart!
Copyright 1994, 2005 Andy Senior The Carpal Tunnel Kid Rides Again!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Joelle - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Not bad, even if you did parody a sacred song! 555.
Royce Miller - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
you're right, this is an original song that does justice to this theme; and there are lots of verses, which you did a tremendous job with
Newfoghill - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh Mr.Senior thanks so much. This has to be among what ranks as a Perfect Parody. This is just the thing I need for next month's hootenanny. Yes we still have them here. Everybody likes a parody and it helps to balance songs like "Banks of the Ohio" and other grisly tunes of America's past. Hurrah! I hope you have a v e r y nice day!
Andy Senior (aka The Carpal Tunnel Kid) - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks to all for your kind words. (The lightning bolt hasn't hit--yet!) Sorry about the typo in stanza seven--it should be "Each rival knows." Newfoghill, let me know how this goes over at the hootenanny--it sure got some interesting reactions at coffeehouses here in upstate NY. Cheers!
Kristof Robertson - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Another cracker, Andy! I'll be keeping my eye on I am an Australian living in the UK, I don't fully grasp the immensity of Wal-Mart, but I love your writing, so 555
Red Ant - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, I hate All-Mart, but you did an excellent job ( sorry no recorded vote ).
Lurker - March 17, 2005 - Report this comment
It's hard to get a 555 from me, but you did it. By the way, the original is not a "sacred song," but a "hymn." Music that is "sacred" is of an even higher class (i.e., a fixed part of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, such as the "Kyrie Eleison" [Lord, Have Mercy] or "Gloria in Excelsis Deo" [Glory to God in the Highest]).
Michael Pacholek - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Before I vote, I just want to be clear -- you are making fun of both Wal-Mart and its supporters, right? Right?
Brian - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
You did a beautiful job with my favorite hymn of all time. Nice job with the arc of the storyline, too. (How great thy arc!)
Michael Pacholek - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
This was also, supposedly, Elvis' favorite hymn. And the source of the old joke: What is God's first name? Andy. How do you know that? From the song: "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own..."
Andy Senior (aka The Carpal Tunnel Kid) - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Kristof, Wal-Mart's wholly (or is that 'holy?') owned subsidiary in the UK is Asda--you probably have one near you. Lurker, strictly speaking, you're right--I was using the term in the looser (sloppier) sense of "sacred" vs. "secular." Michael, I'm definitely throwing brickbats at Wal-Mart--which has all the effect of throwing rocks at the moon. If you heard me play guitar, you'd say Clapton is (still) God. Thanks again to all!

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