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Song Parodies -> "Precious Mings"

Original Song Title:

"Precious Things"

Original Performer:

Tori Amos

Parody Song Title:

"Precious Mings"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Imagine being the Custodian of a Museum exhibiting some precious Ming Dynasty (1368-1644) vases and urns. Imagine you pick one up and drop it, oh, say into some of the other ones, busting them all to smithereens...
(Piano Intro)

I'm so ham-handed
dropped it right here
yes, I shattered those urns
I'm an a**hole
I am now afraid
that these guys will bill me
more than I can pay

These Precious Mings
I did drop
watched them break today
These Precious Mings
Hope this paste, glue and tape holds OK


I am really a clumsy jerk
I shoulda kept my hands away
now I cry
'cause I broke them
Cannot repair them, Oh Sh*t
Cannot fix with "Chiclets"
It will not hold, no way
And when I dropped those vases
Made a terrible noise
Real terrible noise
It made me feel so dumb
Feel like an idiot. Jesus!

These Precious Mings
I did break
and I can't replace
These Precious Mings
Can't replace with what they pay me


I remember, Yes
when it dropped, such a mess
I was scared
now I'm scared
that they will see where I have taped that jar
what are the odds?
that they'll spot the glue
and tape and paste, too
that are holding it together
and they'll know I broke it

(Instrumental Break)

These Precious Mings
that I dropped
that I broke today
These Precious Mings
that I broke
that I can't replace
Geez, these Precious Mings
That are broke now
No way to replace
Geez, these Precious Mings
that I dropped
How can I replace them?


Messed up
Messed up

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Johnny D - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
I guess that poor bastard was all THUMBS. And Torrid Anus is a Precious Thing.
John Barry - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Loved the title, Paul.
Paul Robinson - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Thumbs, hmmm...hadn't thought of the Thumb Connection...Thanks JD & JB...The title just descended upon me out of nowhere and then I just had to do the whole thing. JD, Yeah, Tori's got a NEW album coming out in February, and in comments about it she states that, now get this, her PIANO had discovered that it has an ORGAN...I'm not making this up...and there's a bit more, but I can't remember exactly how all the wording goes to her statement. Outside of being a fantastic musician and a decent human being, I guess her quirky nature and comments are what appeal to me the most. In live performances she often plays both the Bosendorfer piano, a special 96-key model she has, and the Hammond Organ or a Rhodes simultaneously, and if she isn't singing at the same time appears to be in a state of complete rapture while doing so. It's quite a sight and must take incredible talent and skill.
Adagio - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
This would be my worst nightmare! I hold my breath in antique stores, hoping all those crowded displays of pottery won't topple over when I pass by. 5's
Paul Robinson - November 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Adagio, Yeah, I've noticed that type of "crowding" in certain stores of that type. Fortunately they don't usually have "Precious Ming" vases or artwork. Thanks!!

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