If we never see a decon scene again
If Trip never rubs down T'Pol's crack again
If we never see young Hoshi show some skin
Will we never see the Captain dream of sin
Please understand if this ends
Then we promise you, we promise you
That, that we won't watch this show again
Watch Again
Watch Again
That we won't watch this show again
Watch again

And I can't stop thinkin' about
Braga's aborted temporal war
And I can't stop thinkin' about
The episodes that made me snore
And the theme song that everyone hates
We want a change, but it's too late
The ratings just keep slipping down
As viewers walk away

And I can't stop thinkin' about
The day that Trip got hard on screen
And I can't stop thinkin' about
T'Pol's erotic jazz club dreams
And the theme song just won't go away
Warren and Watson, they must pay
We need pretentious symphonies
Like Mr. Ed needs hay

If we never see Phlox kissing Cutler's lips
If on Risa Hoshi doesn't skinny dip
If the Pon Farr don't make T'Pol's hormones flip
Will the writers foist upon us one more gyp
Please hear me B and B
That we promise you, we promise you
That, that all us viewers, we will flee
We will flee
We will flee
That all us viewers, we will flee
We will flee

And we can't stop thinkin' about
Malcolm rejecting Hoshi's love
No we can't stop thinkin' about
Her little Risan "push and shove"
And the writers keep grasping at straws
Where female crewmembers get pawed
And Archer showers naked
While the gravity's on pause

And we can't stop doin' without
Some continuity that works
No we can't stop doin' without
Characters with interesting quirks
At least Archer is growing some balls
Last year he took too many falls
And his fantasies in sickbay
Seemed like Zalman King's house call

If the Enterprise don't get new writers -- STAT
Maybe UPN will pull the plug -- like that
Like North Philly hoodlums with a baseball bat
Like Chicago mobsters with a Thompson gat
We'll probably see... on TV...
Captain Riker on the Mariner and
His jailed clone Thomas running free
Running free
Running free
Coming next season on TV...