I returned a spiral staircase
Accidentally taken from the store
Before alarms installed in the front door

I came back to the court to tell them
Accidental, no intention
What would I do with a set of stairs anyway?

Did a large police force search
Warehouses and the junkyards for the staircase
And was taxpayer money used for the wild goose chase?

Now it’s over, I’m charged with grand larceny, and it’s time to go to jail
And I’ll get paroled and try not to steal from you

I will never be a kleptomaniac again
I’ll never try to steal something larger than my front door

I have to apologize for when I was 30 and I made my younger
Brother an accomplice to grand theft auto

Did a large police force search
Warehouses and the junkyards for the Bentley
And did the owner take the bad news gently?

Now it’s over, I’m charged with grand larceny, and it’s time to go to jail
And I’ll get paroled and try not to steal from you

So I will sit at home
All day long and you won’t
See me look suspiciously
At that house or that car
Ever anymore, and I’ll be paying in the line at the store

I returned a spiral staircase
Accidentally taken from the store
Before alarms installed in the front door

I came back to the court to tell them
Accidental, no intention
What would I do with a set of stairs anyway?

Did a large police force search
Warehouses and the junkyards for the staircase
And was taxpayer money used for the wild goose chase?

Now it’s over, I’m charged with grand larceny, and it’s time to go to jail
And I’ll get paroled and try not to steal from you
Now it’s over, I’m charged with grand larceny, and it’s time to go to jail
And I’ll get paroled and try not to steal from you