(On a golf course in Japan)
(Kenchi Amuro, 25, amateur golfer)
(Kenchi: "FORE!")
(Ball strikes an unwary golfer)
(Officer Sledgehammer, 34, police officer)
(Sledge: "That's the 4th fore this day!!")
(Kenchi: "I'm sorry, Sledge! I'll do better!")
(Sledge: "I'll show you.... if you knock out any golfer in this next tournament, you're going to prison.... FOREVER!!!")
(Kenchi: "GAH! What am I gonna do?!")
.................................
(Kenchi: "OUENDAAAAAAAAAAAN*!!!")
..........................
(Golfer: "Sorry, wrong continent.")
(Kenchi: "OK......... HEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAALP!!!!")

(At EBA HQ)
(Kahn: "Before I deploy the agents, I'm just wondering.... do people in Japan really prefer the Ouendan?! Well....... GO!!!!!!")

(The agents arrive in a suped-up golf cart)
(Agents: HEY! Mission!)
(Announcer: "The tournament has began!!")
(Kenchi: "Man, I'm so nervous!!! What to do, what to do!!!")
(The EBA arrive, and they, with Kenchi start doing the wave)
(Agents: Are you ready!? 3 2 1 GO!)

(Spoken with Scottish accent)
He’s a really nasty golfer!

Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
And all the golfers say he’s pretty far from a Tiger

(Spoken in Howard Cosell-esque voice)
He hits a great shot, then it lands in the sand!

You know it's kinda hard just to play good golf today
Our subject is no good, but he fakes it anyway
He can’t play worth a darn, and he ain’t got style
On every course he hacks, then he falsifies his score

So keep it real, hit it straight
You know he doesn’t play good golf anyway
Play 18 holes with 14 clubs*
Duffer go away, duffer go away
So if you can’t play, just overcompensate
At least you know you can always get on “Dr. Phil”
No one needs wannabes
Hey, don’t do that duffer thing!

(Announcer: "And it looks like Kenchi has hit another 300-mile shot!!!")
(Kenchi: "Come on.... don't hit another golfer.....")
(Ball lands on green)
(Kenchi: "Phew... alright, time to putt.")
(More of the wave, this time the announcer joins in)

Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
And all the golfers say he’s pretty far from a Tiger

He needs some good clubs, no discount-store sticks
But they had no Titleists, so he bought Pinseeker sticks
Now cruising in his Club Car, he sees experts as he pass
But if he looks twice, they're gonna throw him on the grass!

So keep it real, hit it straight
You know he doesn’t play good golf anyway
Play 18 holes with 14 clubs*
Duffer go away, duffer go away
So if you can’t play, just overcompensate
At least you know you can always get on “Dr. Phil”
No one needs wannabes
Hey, don’t do the duffer thing!

(Announcer: "WHOA! Kenchi used his trademark Flaming Pin-Rise shot!"
(Kenchi: "AAAH!! THE FLAME IS HEADED FOR THAT CADDY!!!")
(Caddy dodges)
(Kenchi: Too close....)
(More of the wave, this time, the caddy joins)

Now he's gettin’ golf balls to practice his swing
He asks for Pro-V’s but they give him Ping Zings
They say he tries too hard and he's not that good
But in his own mind he is, he is Tiger Woods

(Announcer: "It looks like Kenchi has got this one all wrapped up!")
(Sledge: "Wow, I may not have to arrest you....")
(More of the wave, this time, Sledge joins in)

Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
Hit the ball you baby, uh huh, uh huh
And all the golfers say he’s pretty far from a Tiger

(Spoken in Howard Cosell-esque voice)
He hits a great shot, then it lands in the sand!

So keep it real, hit it straight
You know he doesn’t play good golf anyway
Play 18 holes with 14 clubs*
Duffer go away, duffer go away
So if you can’t play, just overcompensate
At least you know you can always get on “Dr. Phil”
No one needs wannabes
Hey, don’t do the duffer thing!

(Announcer: "And Kenshi makes his 2nd shot on the 18th hole!")
(Kenchi: "But wait!!! There's a bunch of golfers that didn't wait for me to shoot!!")
(Ball whizzes past all golfers and into the hole)
(Announcer: "WHAT!? A Double Eagle! I didn't think that was possible! Well, you win the tournament!!!")
(Sledge: "Alright, I'll let you slide this time....")
(Kenshi: "Aaaah..... victory is so sweet.......")
(Song ends)

(Back at HQ)
(Kahn: "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!")
(Agents: MISSION COMPLETE!!!!)