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Song Parodies -> "Jonesin'"

Original Song Title:

"Casey Jones"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Grateful Dead

Parody Song Title:

"Jonesin'"

Parody Written by:

Dennis

The Lyrics

The title 'Name-Dropper Train' is already taken. You'll need to wait a few months to learn just who the Name-Droppers are. Drips... Those people, under the title 'functionaries' - perhaps another two weeks. The train-driver in question is a 'fully-done' drip who wishes he was just under the influence of Bavarian Marching Powder instead of what's being pumped into his system by a preloaded program.
Aches and pains, frying my brains,
Engineer, you'd better not blow off steam,
Speed in my eyes, vibrating lies,
Rails jumping off the rotten cross-ties.

Grease in my hair, an' I don't mind,
I'm gonna make the schedule in plenty of time.
Full load of fuel, and plenty of 'coal',
A white-hot combustor and she's ready to roll.

Aches and pains, frying my brains,
Engineer, you'd better not blow off steam,
Speed in my eyes, vibrating lies,
Rails jumping off the rotten cross-ties.

Hit fifth gear and the throttle hard down,
Turbine's screaming like a dead dog clown.
The train's cranked up to a hundred an' two
And it's burning up the track a-heading for you.

Aches and pains, frying my brains,
Engineer, you'd better not blow off steam,
Speed in my eyes, vibrating lies,
Rails jumping off the rotten cross-ties.

Hey mister fireman, pour on the 'coal',
I've opened it all the way and I'm ready to roll.
Disengage the governor, get some more speed,
A rock fall's ahead, and we're gonna bleed!

(Hideous crashing noise followed by a massive eruption of fire and falling rocks.)
Notes: the train in question uses the reaction of two chemicals (much like some torpedos) to drive a turbine. This is coupled to the drive wheels through a multiple-disk clutch and a transmission similar to that used on long-haul trucks. Other than that, it looks much like an old liquid-fueled ICBM laid on a set of wheels and faired in so it's streamlined.

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