Somebody once told me that I looked pretty lonely
I ain't the sharpest suit in the drawer
And I did look kinda dumb with the puppets on my thumbs
In the shape of Gandalf and Denethor

Well, the praise keeps comin' and it don't stop comin'
Back to the books and I felt my brain hummin'
Didn't make sense not to read each one
I'm kinda smart, so it looked like fun

So much, so deep, the history,
It's like action's taken a back seat

The Grond's a huge battering ram
Sam's fat and his dad's name is Ham

HEY NOW, LOTR IS THE BEST D*MN MOVIE
HEY NOW, LOTR BOOKS ARE GREAT BUT LENGTHY (The)
ONE RING'S SHINY AND GOLD
FRODO GOES REAL FAR, BILBO'S OLD

It's a cruel place, and they say it's called Mordor
We came here and turned to prunes in short order
"Cause the food and the water are missin'
Not to mention Frodo and Shelob are kissin'

The odds we face are looking pretty slim
We're fighting in a war that we know we can't win
My guide's a liar, and a chore
He just wants the precious for himself to adore

(Chorus)

Somebody once asked "are you paying for your gas?"
I had to yank my face away from my page
I said yep, then nearly wept, felt like such a friggin' idiot
He must have thought I was really stra-ange

Well,
The praise keeps comin' and it don't stop comin'
Back to the Shire, Frodo had to be runnin'
Didn't seem right that Sam couldn't come
Nor Frodo stay, made me feel so glum

So long. You will for centuries
Be remembered here like you should be
I'll write a neat song about you
The little ones we'll sing it to

(Chorus)

The ONE RING'S SHINY AND GOLD
FRODO GOES REAL FAR, BILBO'S OLD