Shakedown, 1989
A diner owner never had the time
for a washed-up idiotic dreamer
with ideas
like me.

Uncle bought a UHF station.
It became my own TV nation.
Didn't think that it would go
very far.

And I don't even know
just how to run this place.
And I don't know
just what the ratings mean.
I'm the disgrace
of the FCC
and the UHF.

Double-cross the TV ratings board.
'Cause they don't like just what we have in store.
More things that shouldn't even be
on TV.

We don't even care,
reckless as we are.
We make the shows
in the land of a thousand
folks with TV sets.
I said we make the shows

like Raul's Wild Kingdom,
Wheel of Fish, and Ghandi 2,
Secrets of the Universe,
and Spudowski's Playhouse.

62 never knew the rules
hung down with the freaks and fools.
No imitators ever need be made.
The original's better than you think it
could be.

We don't even care
about the other guys.
And that station,
they tried to shut us down,
but they had failed
because you cannot stop
the UHF.

These shows are a saving grace.
Now, someone tell me how to run this place.