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Song Parodies -> "Billy's Baseball Report"

Original Song Title:

"Bullet With Butterfly Wings"

Original Performer:

Smashing Pumpkins

Parody Song Title:

"Billy's Baseball Report"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

True Item: Billy Corgan, lead singer and creative force behind seminal alternative rock band Smashing Pumpkins, was hired by Chicago radio station WXRT-FM in the summer of 2004 to provide analysis of Chicago Cubs baseball games twice a week.This song is the transcript of one of his reports following a particularly upsetting Cubs game loss.
I feel for the umpire
Time to train
Pitchers and catchers, the team is so lame
Run round the field, knees are strained
Unhappy sports fans feel misery and shame
So should they all go forfeit the game and blow?
Or act cool and spit out a gob?

They're still in the stage like they just walked in the batting cage
It's such a crime, they can't even get past second base
They're still in the stage like they just walked in the batting cage

We can't fake it, the players are so dismal
And I can't take it, yet another game blown!
And what do we want? A world pennant!
But what have we got?
A sheer accident!
"The teams skills, you know
Have some room to grow,"
Says the Manager (who needs a new job!)

They're still at the stage like they just walked in the batting cage
I've seen better plays from a corpse that was dug from a grave!
They're still at the stage like they just walked in the batting cage

I am not the only one
Who isn't having any fun
Please don't blame it on the sun
Our team isn't Number 1
But they sure play like Number 2!

They're still at the stage like they just walk in the batting cage
Come on, can't you guys even make a homerun save?
Copyright 2004, Agrimorfee. Note: I know that this song does not accurately reflect the game playing of the Chicago Cubs. I usually steer clear of Sports parodies, simply because of their topicality and regionalism, but I strove to write this as a universal rant about bad baseball playing. Hope you enjoyed it! (Holy Cow! GO CUBS GO!)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   10

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Barry - August 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Charlie Decker - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports Comp) I liked it better than the original song...5s
Jeff Reuben - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) And you still got rid of Sosa =)
Rex - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
A lead singer commenting on baseball games? Next thing you know they'll be owning Arena Football teams! Oh...wait...
Ethan Mawyer - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) I thought this was clever but i had one issue with the pacing that i was guilty of myself when i tried to parody this song. Job in the original lyrics refers to the biblical character whose name rhymes with lobe, not lob. So the line replacing it should ideally rhyme with the previous three lines. 455
Scathe - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(SPORTS) hehehe.
Guy - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) Alas, I DKTOS and unfortunately don't know who Billy Corgan is either.
Know 1 can hear you dream - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Sport reports, now why didn't I think of that one, you're on to something here...
Claude Prez - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh, I see. You want to do a universal rant about bad baseball, and you choose the Cubs, eh? Why, just cause they haven't won diddly in a zillion years? Well, okay. Say, I used to live near Chicago, and XRT was my favorite station. Anyway, I barely remember the original (the "rat in a cage part" is all I know) but I liked the batting cage sub, and the number 1/ number 2 part. Good job.
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Claude, you should have heard some of Billy's kvetchings as the season got progressively worse. A number of times he was heard to whine on the air, "After this, I quit. It's just not worth worrying about any longer." I'm not a fan of his music but still, I would love to hear him do the show again next year.
John Jenkins - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Good rhyming, particularly pennant/accident, and good humor, particularly the number 2 line. Very well done, Agrimorfee.
Johnny D - March 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) "Or act cool and spit out a gob?" made me literally LOL for real !
Loosekanen (Mike Armstrong) - March 07, 2005 - Report this comment
"Play like number 2" ah yes, gotta love a poop reference. Nice work.
Matthias - June 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Perfect time of year for this parody! This one is an Agrimorfee classic! I love it!
Porfle Popnecker - June 04, 2012 - Report this comment
Bezball been berry berry good to Billy.
bobpiecheese - June 12, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) This paced well, though it went completely over my head, mostly due to my dislike for sports and baseball not being big in Australia. Especially since this parody is about bad baseball playing, and I don't know how to play it right, so this was lost on me. Not your fault, obviously.
Below Average Dave - June 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Honestly Agri, you didn't have to mention the Cubs in the opening line and I still would have attributed it to them. . .they have a history of, well, yeah . . .poor cubs. . .anyway, this one was pretty fun.
Rex - June 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Billy Corgan would love this. And so do I.
Blaydeman - June 15, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) As a STL fan, I loved this! We Cardinal fans love to hate on the Cubs.

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