Well, I know some girls who won't date stupid guys
They find one with a brain and act like he's a prize
I hate to date a guy and then I find out he's
One of them fancy boys what knows his ABC's

Oh, oh, don't need nothin' special
Oh, oh, don't need nothin' swell

Okay -- so you're a drooling dimwit
That don't distress me much
You say you went to school and you got
A's in Lunch
Don't get me wrong; it's okay if you're bright
But that don't mean you gots to know how to read and write
That don't impress me much

I know a guy who is one butt-ugly man
He looks like somebody stuck his face in a fan
He's a big fat hog-boy and he smells like one too
They call for the keeper when he visits the zoo

Oh, oh, don't need nothin' special
Oh, oh, don't need nothin' swell

Okay -- so you look like my other brother Darryl
That don't disgust me much
You say you don't go in fer takin' baths and such
Don't get me wrong; pretty boys are the bomb
But I like it when people ask if Cher is your mom
That don't disgust me much

You're one of them guys who must be some kinda snob
You have a place to live and a car and a job
Well, la-de-da, cause you got TWO pairs of socks
But I like a man, knows how to live in a box

Oh, oh, don't need nothin' special
Oh, oh, don't need nothin' swell

Okay -- so you're a stinky homeless vagrant convicted wife-beater with a hairy mole on your neck the size of a Big Mac
That don't repulse me much
You see I may be small but I can take a punch
Don't get me wrong; guys with teeth are just fine
But a tattooed felon wins my heart every time
That don't repulse me much

***Bonus chorus just for Shania***

That don't impress me, Mutt
Well, you made me a star but do you kiss my butt?
Don't get me wrong; you know my Grammys are keen
But that don't mean the dishes gonna make themselves clean
That don't impress me, Mutt

Okay, so what do you think, you're ME or something?
Whatever
That don't impress me....