Just another deputy, a steely-eyed man of the law
Just another fearless sharp-shooting quick-draw
Just another hero, he's Mayberry's favorite son
Just another day - one bullet and an unloaded gun

THE SQUAD CAR'S LEAVIN' - You lawman stud
THE SQUAD CAR'S LEAVIN' - Nip it in the bud
YOU'RE BARNEY FIFE

Just another date, to Mount Pilot for a picture show
Just another bachelor, but he's Thelma Lou's beau
Just another lawman, can cite every penal code
Just another misfire - oops, he forgot to unload

THE SQUAD CAR'S LEAVIN' - When things get dire
THE SQUAD CAR'S LEAVIN' - Fight fire with fire
YOU'RE BARNEY FIFE

careerist criminologist crime-fighting high-technologist
excitable alarmist polemic over-reactionist
proverbial aphorist sixty's sitcom co-protagonist
thin-chested protectionist sub-featherweighted pugilist

armchair righteous moralist and small town southern ruralist
Bluebird Diner frequentist unsurpassed comic relief-ist
anti-mollycoddle strong role model expert bud-nippist
above the hat brim extra-prim hair trim from Floyd the barberist

Just another double date, with Andy and Miss Helen Crump
Just another repair bill, from Goober for a broken fuel pump
Just another criminal, taken down by a quick judo chop
Just another deputy - a small-town hick cop

THE SQUAD CAR'S LEAVIN' - You lawman stud
THE SQUAD CAR'S LEAVIN' - Nip it in the bud
YOU'RE BARNEY FIFE