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Song Parodies -> "Valentine's Sucks (Cupid's Lament)"

Original Song Title:

"Everything Sucks"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Reel Big Fish

Parody Song Title:

"Valentine's Sucks (Cupid's Lament)"

Parody Written by:

Matthias

The Lyrics

Changed a few minor things from the original to make this even better for the Decathlon: Mark 2 contest....
I’m a huge nerd
Get no dates

It’s frickin’ absurd
That I’m even worse than that Bill f*cking Gates

The very worst thing about this though
Is that I’m the main man, I run this show
Shoot myself, but that just hurts like heck

Beth said she loved me cause I got her a guy
Screw this job
You’d think I’d get a try, but no way…

I’m gonna quit, because…
I know Valentine's Sucks (Yeah!)
I know Valentine's Sucks (Woah-ho-ho)
I know Valentine's Sucks
And this is gonna be the last year
If I don’t get laid

Used to help out
With my bow
And I made passion flair
Like an expensive ho

(Ritzy Ho!)

But, man, nowadays I’m so f*cking bored
Every jack-*ss I hit is so quickly adored
I can’t get *ss so
I’m giving up this job

I don’t know why I’m the love archer
But it’s time for my departure
Cause I’m done…

I’m handing off my reins
I know Valentine's Sucks (Yeah)
I know Valentine's Sucks (Woah-oh-oh)
I know Valentine's Sucks
For sex you’ll need flowers and time
I’m done with this game

I said “Screw This”
Left my wings and slippers, running

Santa’s workshop
Or go aid the Easter Bunny

Cause I am too jealous
Of all these other fellas
They adore

Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

Cause!
I’m gone…
Valentine's Sucks!
Bad!

I left…
Valentine's Sucks!
Ha-a-ard!

Vamous
Valentine's Sucked!
Much!

There’s never gonna be a next time
Till I reach third base!

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   14
 14
 14
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
This is the updated version, rhyme scheme's better, pacing better, it's funnier... There are a few things I would still do to improve it, but this was better than yesterday's.
Agrimorfee - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Ah, I see now what you were trying to convey, compared to yesterday's submission!
Rick C - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I'll repeat yesterday's vote. 555
Red Ant - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Loved the "archer/departure" couplet.
bobpiecheese - December 08, 2007 - Report this comment
(Dec 2.0) So, I'm guessing it sucks? ;) Excellent write, Matthias, and you get kudos for using one of the two ska bands I'm familiar with.
stuart mcarthur - December 10, 2007 - Report this comment
(dec2.5) yeah, Valentines has always sucked, Matty - as you say, everyone knows the true purpose of Valentines is to GET LAID! Half the population just don't seem to get it (both meanings) - 555
Arwen - December 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Nice angle...I guess I'd never thought about poor single Cupid. It kind of reminds me of those poor "I love you as a friend" guys who can never catch a break...; )
Mikey Squirrel - December 11, 2007 - Report this comment
DEC- Poor Cupid, always the bride's maid but never the bride. I've spent too many Valentine's days single to agree with it sucking. But now that I'm married... it's just another day I have to buy flowers for the wife. Well done, Matthias.
Phil Alexander - December 12, 2007 - Report this comment
What, Mikey - you buy flowers for the wife on Valentine's day? Complain enough about the overcommercialization for long enough, and she won't even expect that ;-)
Anyway, Matti... I agree, it's a hideous time of the year.
Kristof Robertson - December 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(DEC 2.5) I was sure I had commented on this, themn I realised this is draft 2. I liked draft 1 just fine, so this is a little extra cool. 555
Jack Wilson - December 12, 2007 - Report this comment
This was awesome,as was the OS,5s
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - December 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(DEC2) At first I got lost, but then I realized that it was from Cupid's point of view. . .I have ended three relationships on Valentine's Day. . .so I agree also.
Jeff Reuben - December 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Nerds get all the chicks, cause they do their homework and figure out what a guy/.girl wants, instead of just expecting it like some hunk would :)
Max Power - June 12, 2008 - Report this comment
Too bad Valentine got vicked by the Romans.
Guy - July 07, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4V)

Maybe that Cupid fellow needs to read my parody of a"A Whore With No Name" - he may get a clue. Nice angle on something no one ever thinks about. Cupid needs an archer weapon that performs as a boomerang, but then who would he attract besides himself, ie Ms. Rosey Palm, perhaps? Nice write.
Agrimorfee - July 08, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) Taking the time to admire the rhyme couplet of "archer/departure" and the very difficult song structure
Below Average Dave - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) Still not a fan of Valentines Day, so still got my agreeance on it, this one was pretty decent I must say.
Invisible Boy - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
"Cupid...draw back your bow..."
I'm glad you took this from Cupid's point of view. He doesn't get enough credit, does he?
I know you are a RBF fan...you even turned me on to them...so I like your choice of the OS
I hope he makes it to "third" base, although I can't imagine what would happen if he hit a home-run.
stuart mcarthur - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) see above - you must feel better after that diatribe Matt, and I was impressed with the archer/departure rhyme - and if he's gonna celebrate after third base, those home run fireworks will be pretty cool
bobpiecheese - February 09, 2012 - Report this comment
(Ages) See above!
Porfle Popnecker - February 09, 2012 - Report this comment
See above the above!
Christie Marie M - February 09, 2012 - Report this comment
(Ages) I hear you, Matt...yes, even Cupid needs a little love in his life, too. I'm surprised he didn't go crying like a baby (j/k). Talk about a Valentine's Day Massacre..If Cupid needs someone in his life, I'm available..LOL!! Well, V-Day is coming up, so look out, cuz 555 love arrows are shooting straight at you!
Abbott Skelding - February 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Never heard the OS, but this idea was fantastic! Cupid running around getting everyone else in love...nothing for the ultimate wing(ed)man! Great job!
Blaydeman - February 11, 2012 - Report this comment
(AofA) Very seasonal! I like it!
Arwen - February 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Ages...not super familiar with the OS, but I'm with you on the sentiment...hahaha. =) Nice job!
D-Mon - February 14, 2012 - Report this comment
(AofA) If I were Cupid I'd get angry too. He deserves a little lovin'! Liked it a lot!

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