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Song Parodies -> "Neat Queens (Are Made of Glitz)"

Original Song Title:

"Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Marilyn Manson

Parody Song Title:

"Neat Queens (Are Made of Glitz)"

The Lyrics

Neat queens with make-up creams.
Look sublime in sister's jeans.
Gabble with girls about wearing G's.
Leath'ry hot pants? Cookin' there, dumpling!

Homo men run to zhoosh you!
Homo men gone to get bouffant 'dos!
Homo flaunt to seduce you!
Homo men can't go without mousse!

Neat queens parade and preen.
Look divine, all crisp and clean.
Faggots in pearls that are heav-en-ly.
Feath'ry cozzies? Talk to me, pumpkin!

Homo men run to zhoosh you!
Homo men love to help choose your shoes!
Homo men rather amuse you!
Homo men hunt for fashion news!

They wanna zhoosh you!
Ego-bruise you!
They wanna go, queer eye you!
(Oh, that get-up! Lose it, doll!
Cheap and dreaded, lose it, doll!)

Neat queens wear ladies' tees.
Look so fine with triple-Ds.
Ravelling curls, grandiose silver gleams.
Het'ro buddies: gawking here, flummoxed.

Homo men run to zhoosh you!
Homo men party at Uluru!*
Homo men armed with their groom tools!
Homo men aren't needing their jewels!

They wanna zhoosh you!
And improve you!
They wanna show you queer eyes.
Wanna zhoosh you!
Ego-bruise you!
They're gunna show you queer eyes, dude.
* = see "Priscilla: Queen of The Desert" , THE gay Aussie classic.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 3
 2
 
 2   0
 1
 2
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   13
 11
 11
 

User Comments

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Charlie Decker - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Isn't that "Priscilla" thing staring Agent Smith from The Matrix?
Guy - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
This must be the homogenized version. Well done! Tons of great lines.
Stuart McArthur - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
ah, an OS of yours that I know Luke - altho I recall the Eurythmics version - great imagery, great pacing, and an Oscar for costume design - 555
Kristof Robertson - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
See you at Mardi Gras next year? :-) 555
EmiLoca - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
"Leath'ry hot pants? Cookin' there, dumpling!" was a truly inspired line, Luke. The question is...what was it inspired by? And yet another question arises...do I want to know what it was inspired by?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Charlie: Correct! Wouldn't you love to see him pop up with that enormous fabric outfit billowing out behind him and saying "Surprised to see me, Mr Anderson?"
Thanks Guy, Stuart and Kristof.

Emi, erm... to answer your first question, the line was inspired by numerous stereotypical catchphrases representing the homosexual male in recent media. To answer your second question, one would assume that inquiring about something infers that one wants to know the answer.
*gongggg*
EmiLoca - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Smartass.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Ooh, you're clever and cheeky!
EmiLoca - March 15, 2005 - Report this comment
And dependable, too. All the more reason that you should kiss me.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 15, 2005 - Report this comment
*considers*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Start suckling the end of this spaghetti strand my nonna cooked.
*begins suckling other end*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, I am NOT a homophobe! I have NUMEROUS gay friends.
I went in DRAG to a formal with a lesbian fer cryin' out loud! See one of my more serious parodies here before you stamp my parody homophobic you OUT-OF-CONTEXT-BIGOT. http://www.whatfreaks.com/2000s/eminem9.shtml

If you haven't noticed, Queer Eye demeans hetero men as brainless slobs, but you don't see us getting offended cuz it's a parody in itself and people should be able to laugh at themselves. I've heard the term 'fag' used by the Queer Eye guys cuz they can laugh at themselves, too.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Ahem.
*descends from high-horse*
*re-inserts al-dente spaghetti strand*
*suckle suckle suckle*
EmiLoca - March 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh, right.

*catches loose end of spaghetti strand with fork and twirls obliviously*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 17, 2005 - Report this comment
*eyes closed...SMOOCH!*
Oh Emily, I never knew you had braces! Mmm, the cool metal feels so sensual on my tongue...
...
...
*painstaking opening of the eyes a la Stewie in Family Guy when he realises he has been suckling from his father's teat*

...Oh, fork.
Michael Pacholek - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
For a minute there, I thought this was going to be about "neat freaks." I couldn't have been more off.
EmiLoca - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
*confused* Well, I have correctional V-plate braces...but there's no spaghetti in THAT region...
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh, shut up and kiss me!
*romantic lunge forward - cue silhouette against moon, glittering stars and Emi wondering why I'm making out with Michael Pacholek on the balcony*
EmiLoca - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
*wonders why you're making out with Michael Pacholek on the balcony*

Why are you making out with Michael Pacholek on the balcony?
Johnny D - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Emi's previous comment reminded me of this passage from Harvard Lampoon's parody of The Lord of The Rings, "Bored of The Rings":

"Welcome to Lornadoon," said Lavalier, rising slowly to her feet, and it seemed to the company that she was as fair as a young sapling or scrub oak. She had magnificent chestnut hair, and when she shook her head, handfuls of magnificent chestnuts dropped to the floor like rain. Frito toyed with the Ring and wondered at her great beauty. As he stood, as if in a trance, Lavalier turned to him and saw him toying with the Ring and wondering at her great beauty. "I see, Frito," she said, "that as you toy with the Ring, you wonder at my great beauty." Frito gasped. "Do not fear," she said, solemnly tweaking his nose. "Nasties we're not."
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
My friend 'other Luke' (I'm 'bad Luke') met up with a friend of his downtown whose baby needed changing. So they headed to the nearest pharmacy and whilst waiting in line to get talc powder, one of other-Luke's annoying female friends came in and made him model eyeliners for her in the mirror as they had similar skin tones and she wanted to see which one would look best. Other-Luke returns to the counter with about seven different coloured lines down his cheek and the pharmacy has no talc.

After finally finding getting some talc from a supermarket several blocks away, they discover that the male bathrooms have no change table (sexist society) and so they have to sneak his friend's wailing bundle of joy into the female bathroom.

THEN Other-Luke spends about fuve minutes trying to pull the top off the talc bottle and later found out it was a screw-on lid when the top burst off, showering his face and clothes in white powder. Washing it off with water, the makeup ran all down his face. His friend was meanwhile scraping handfuls of talc off the floor to powder the baby with.

A woman opened the door...


Anyhoo, I guess I'll just finish rehearsing this drama scene with Michael Pacholek, dear, and be back to bed for 'chest + nuts = *balconydoorlocked!*'
EmiLoca - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
And I'll be busy writing up the script for the sequel: "Wedlocked! = Luke and Patchy Do San Francisco".
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
You have to see the final episode of Little Britain, Season 2. A Fine San Fran finale. (Note the ingenious incorporation of 'Fran Fine' in previous sentence.)

Come, Patchy. We Neat Queens will zhoosh-up Emi's aPALLing balcony out here.
EmiLoca - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Actually, I'd much rather watch Desperate Housewives and wish that my mother was having sexual relations with someone nearly as gorgeous as James Denton.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Yeah, inflatable Orlandos lack charm.
EmiLoca - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
And included foot-pumps. The one for my ego isn't nearly big enough to fit in his hole.
Stuart McArthur - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
The last episode of Little Britain was the best yet - the lines in the bar before he hoofs it to Frisco were classic: "since I've retired, I've discovered the joys of rimming"

will there be another season?

"sorry, computer says no...."
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL Stu, I was going to quote all of the dastardly (heh heh, rhymes with 'custardly') lines but was *commonsensed*

Not big enough to fit your hole? Well, little lady, I think I can handle it.
*handles it*
Sigmund Freud - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Pumps und holes, ja?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
OK, I get it! I want to have sex with my mother. Can we move on?
EmiLoca - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
No.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 23, 2005 - Report this comment
*eyes Emi wanting to get in bed*
*eyes back to mother currently in bed*
*eyes to Emi wanting to get in bed*

*Dr Evil rasp:* This is awkward!
EmiLoca - March 23, 2005 - Report this comment
"Dad...what are you doing?"
"Em, why are you out of bed?"
"Where's Mom?"
"Your mother and I have something to discuss."
"Under the covers?"
"Yes."
"Wearing nothing?"
"Goodnight, Emi."
"...goodnight."

((I really, REALLY wish I was kidding when I say 'that conversation actually took place during my 2nd year of elementary school'.)) That conversation actually took place during my 2nd year of elementary school.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 24, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmm, I'm daring to ask what a 'family discussion' would involve...

Oh well, atleast we'll have something to look forward to in fifteen years' time:
"Dad...what are you doing?"
"Domino, why are you and your Siamese-triplet sisters Turquamarine and '&' out of bed?"
"Where's Muom?"
"Your muother and I have something to discuss."
"Inside your levitating sleeping capsule?"
"Yes."
"With an assortment of maple-glazed donuts, an Iron Maiden, an inflatable Orlando Bloom doll with a photo of Leo Jay's face sticky-taped on it and a Spanish/English dictionary?"
"Goodnight, Domino, Turquamarine and '&'."
"Fine, we'll just go sleep in Aunty Tibbygirl's kennel."

And while we're on the subject of mortifying primary school memories:

Dad and Stepmother-to-be about ten feet away, seperated only by a flimsy bamboo curtain: *assorted giggles, moans and whispers*
5th grade me, for an agonising 40 minutes: shutupshutupshutupsh utupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshut upshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!!!
EmiLoca - March 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Pleasant.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 25, 2005 - Report this comment
((Groovy new trend, by the way.))
EmiLoca - March 25, 2005 - Report this comment
What, 40 minutes of flimsy-bamboo-related torture?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Isn't that what Cajun/Asians are in to? I prefer uncooked spaghetti.
EmiLoca - March 26, 2005 - Report this comment
I suppose...but most Cajun/Asians are particularly partial to anything involving wasabi, crawfish, or bound feet. I've never tried the flimsy bamboo method.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 27, 2005 - Report this comment
*lights dim, cue Spaff crooning his 'I Like To Play With Food'*
EmiLoca - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
BA DA - BA!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
SA...KA...TA...
*Asian-cuisine humour*
EmiLoca - March 30, 2005 - Report this comment
You mean like Joey Sakata from Star Trek: Voyager? You're right - I think I did see him on the menu at Tokyo Kitchen.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 31, 2005 - Report this comment
Before the waitress wiped him off.
*chirping giraffes extend their sick leave*
EmiLoca - April 03, 2005 - Report this comment
As long as we're still leaving comments about the actual parody, the hotel I was staying in, directly in Times Square, was hosting a drag queen convention/party on the 6th floor. My friends and I crashed it, wearing exquisite ball gowns and barely-there five o'clock shadows. Heck, if I can pass for a man in a dress, who knows what parody-subjects I could become inspired by.

Besides politics, food, and Avril Lavigne, of course.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - April 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Sounds like it should be renamed 'Fabulous Times Square'. And I laugh at the irony of wearing a 'ball gown'.
EmiLoca - April 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, I laugh at the irony of...um...Centrum Plus.

*giraffes die laughing*
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, it is funny, cuz we pronounce it "Complete from A to Zync."

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