I tap my toes in the dark
You'll play the dominant part
You stick it hard where I fart

You fit me like I'm a glove
Your untraditional love
Panders my secret vice

I will fondle you
And you...
You will fondle me too
You do it so discrete
You make my knees go weak

The gays I always maligned
But then I soon was inclined
To like it from behind

But since I opened my thighs
It turns out I preferred guys
But I just won't open my mind

I've always known it from the start
But I'm just not coming out
And I'll still indulge it everyday

So I live my second life
Faking that I love my wife
No one knows that I am actually gay

Oh... I will fondle you
And you... (yeah you)
You will fondle me too
You do it so discrete
You make my knees go weak

Oh... I will fondle you (twice as old as you)
And you (ew)
You will fondle me too
Oh... You do it so discrete
You make my knees go weak

[background a cappella in a men's room with the sound of groans]

[2x]
I will fondle you (twice as old as you)
And you (yeah you)
You will fondle me too
You do it so discrete (like when I take a leak)
You make my knees go weak