KEN STARR:
Hey, Newt

NEWT GINGRICH:
Yeah, Ken?

KEN STARR:
Have you seen Bill lately?

NEWT GINGRICH:
Ever since we set him up with that Linda Tripp chick, he's been looking
pretty guilty.

KEN STARR:
Heh, heh, heh, he's guilty all right.

NEWT GINGRICH:
He looks so nervous . . . do you suppose we should do something to clear up
his conscience for a little while?

KEN STARR:
Well . . . does he like . . . butt cheeks? [Laughing]

BILL:

I was sitting on my ass
One Friday morning the past week,
Indulging in MacDonald's treats

The room was bugged, the mike was plugged
The conversation seeped
Through the cord below my seat

Why should these people care about a dumb affair
It matters not with whom I sleep
When I was young and indiscreet

I knew I should not succumb,
But I just could not resist those buns,
So we got below the desk for fun

BILL:
I know they're out for me

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

BILL:
Making sure her dress stays all neat

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

BILL:
Keeping her mouth off my meat

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

***

NEWT GINGRICH:
Look there!

KEN STARR:
Wow, I never think Monica felt so bad!

NEWT GINGRICH:
She may have the first time she saw how tiny Bill was, but this is even worse.

KEN STARR:
What do you suppose she was up to last night?

NEWT GINGRICH:
[Mocking Monica's voice] Willy! Harder!

MONICA:

I was calling up, and said,
You'll leave a message if yoooou're sweet,
A-F-T-E-R the beep

Had a burning rage for someone twice my age,
Like in that ep of Dawson's Creek,
Except without James van der Beek

Now, the question where I had his pubic hair
In a pairing under sheets
Implored my information leak

And it's not only among
My dates that I need to watch my tongue
When we get below the desk for fun

BILL:
I know they're out for me

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

BILL:
Making sure her dress stays all neat

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

BILL:
Keeping her mouth off my meat

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

My phooooone liiiiine,
If they tap my phone line,

BILL:
I know it's out with me

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

BILL:
Taping each kiss I sneak

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

BILL:
A vast right-wing conspira-cy

MONICA:
If they tap my phone line

My phooooone liiiiine
(If they tap my phone line)
My phooooone liiiiine
(If they tap my phone line)
My phooooone liiiiine
(If they tap my phone line) . . .