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Song Parodies -> "I Think That Arwen's Sexy"

Original Song Title:

"She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Kenny Chesney

Parody Song Title:

"I Think That Arwen's Sexy"

Parody Written by:

Kenny Chesney (no, not the singer)

The Lyrics

Renee who???
Marriage annulled so I'm out for some fun
That was just practice now I'll woo "the one"
With a bouquet full of flowers and three Middle Earth DVDs
Flexin all my muscles as I chop down a log
Ditch the toy poodle and get me a real dog
Just look at that nose, it's just cute as can be

I think that Arwen's sexy...for clumsy blondes I long
I doodle Arwen's sexy...the chorus for my next song
I'm kinda like Vin Diesel when I'm standing on a chair
I know she don't like backhair so I bathe in Nair
When I heard her sing, I don't think I knew what hit me
I think that Arwen's sexy

I'll pick her back up when she falls into a hole
I'll try not to laugh when she walks into a pole
Try to clean the stain from the shirt that she spilled grape juice on
Sing her funny songs, on my tv special live
I'll beat up little punks if they don't give her fives
Inhale seven more Tic-Tacs, before I reach her home

I think Arwen's sexy...for clumsy blondes I long
Someday I hope she lets me...visit her dad and her mom
Protect her from the vampires descending on her lair
You might think Love Bites, but I just don't care
When she spills her food, I hope she gets saucy with me
I think that Arwen's sexy

Well she ain't into bugs or bees that sting
If Renee don't take it all then I'll buy that ring

I think that Arwen--

I think that Arwen's sexy...for clumsy blondes I long
I doodle Arwen's sexy...the chorus for my next song
Don't matter if I'm hungry I won't eat her bartlett pears
I'd even cut out porn to show how much I care
Now you all know why that Renee Zell-weger left me
I think that Arwen's sexy

I think that Arwen's sexy
I think that Arwen's sexy

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   8
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Arwen - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
OH. MY. HELL.

I have the DUMBEST grin on my face right now...and I have no words. Not only is the turnaround time impressive...but if Kenny Chesney isn't enough to turn me into a cowgirl, I really don't know who is. He is a stallion. And he's single again. And that makes me happy, too...

And whoever wrote this...I am beyond enamoured...you covered EVERY base...right down to the pears...thanks for making my whole year...=)
Kenny - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
"Now that Zellweger's gone I think I'll ask her for a date Should not have dragged my feet, I hope I'm not too late I'd cry if Apricot, Tech Fred or Pacholek beat me. I think that Arwen's Sexy"
Kenny (formatted) - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
"Now that Zellweger's gone I think I'll ask her for a date
Should not have dragged my feet, I hope I'm not too late
I'd cry if Apricot, Tech Fred or Pacholek beat me.
Arwen - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Hee...=) I don't think you have much to worry about.

Apricot is...like...11...
Fred is...well...Fred...
And rumor has it that if you throw a bee at him, Mr. Pacholek will run like the Gingerbread Man.
Rick C - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Good one, Kristof ! 555
Arwen - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Rick, you really think it was Kristof? Hmmm...hadn't occurred to me. There is one line in there that sort of tipped me off in another direction...something that I don't think had been discussed on a public forum...not sure though.

Whoever it was...I am still grinning like an idiot...
Arwen - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
It was the pear line...for those of you who might be wondering. I just don't think there's been much public discussion of my favorite fruit. But we did talk about it over on TOTTM...back before it died. I guess whoever wrote this might've read about it there...and not been an active participant...

...which basically means it could be anyone. Dammit. Have I mentioned before how much I don't like mysteries? (I tried to make a pouty face there, but I'm STILL grinning too much from the parody to do it with feeling...)
Jeff Reuben - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Whoever it was sure is a clever bastard =)
Michael Pacholek - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Clearly, Arwen has never seen me run. Let's just say I'm no Jerry Rice. As for whether I'd beat "Kenny," I'm tempted to try. But from what I've been hearing, it seems as though the real Chesney might not think Arwen's sexy... but he might think her boy Vin Diesel is. (Hence Renee's claim of "fraud.")
Arwen - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh for hell's sake, Michael...he isn't gay! That all stems from a comment Tim McGraw made when Kenny and Renee first wed..."Well, I always thought he was gay." Of COURSE it was a joke...but of COURSE the press jumped all over that as soon as the marriage went south...

The only gay guy I have ever had a crush on was Greg Louganis...but that was when I was 7...and I didn't know what a gay guy was...
Rick C - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
You and Greg could have been a cute couple...a diver and a diva!
Kristof Robertson - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Good lord, is my devotion to the fair elf that transparent? ;-) 'Fraid it wasn't me, Rick and Arwen...I would sooner gouge my spleen out than parody a Kenny Chesney song...but thanks for the thought!
Tim Mayfield - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
My favorite line wasn't even in the parody:

'rumor has it that if you throw a bee at him, Mr. Pacholek will run like the Gingerbread Man' Too funny.
Leo Jay - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Masterful, dude. Masterful.
Michael Pacholek - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Cut me some slack, Mayfield. At the very least, I can run better than a Gingerbread Man. And anybody who says otherwise can eat both of us. (I sure hope that comment stays in and doesn't get sidetracked to WhatFreaks.)
Tim Mayfield - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm not pickin' on you Pacholek, the line is funny even if you put Spaff's name in there.
Spaff.com - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Masterful, red herring thrower. Masterful.

Hey, don't drag me into this Gingerbread Man thing. I swear I have never had my ass kicked by a little baked man. Unless you count that one time by Herve Villechaize in Jamaica.
stuart mcarthur - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
what Spaff said, Red Herring Thrower ;-)
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
... I thought I'd crack who did it by comparing the formatting to that of previous works by people. However, as I always punctuate the ends of my sentences and use 'these' instead of "these" in parodies, Johnny D, Kristof, Phil Alexander and every other author I've checked formats similarly to this parody.
Arwen - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Is this going to be a big mystery that everyone is scrambling to figure out? I hope so...because I KNOW who wrote it...but I'm not telling. But either way...that makes me the winner.
Leo Jay - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Spaff & Stuart:
Regrettably, neither I nor 'The Mistress' (nor 'Olaf', nor 'Pimpin' Lee' nor 'Leon', nor...) can take credit for this gem. But I appreciate the thought that I could be this clever!
Arwen - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Not to mention the fact that while I suspect that Olaf has a secret, broken English, crush on me, the rest of Leo's personalities don't really find me to be sexy.

They are all wrong, of course. Because I am. Dammit.

Who's going to question the opinion of an imposter Kenny Chesney? Someone who wants to get the toe of my new super cute pink cowboy boot up his ass, that's who...
Pimpin' Lee - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Naw, you wrong girl, Pimpin Lee think you all kinds of fly.
Arwen - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL!!!
stuart mcarthur - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
hmm..now I'm starting to think it really is you again, Leo
but no, that would be unfair to the inspired genius of (whoops, nearly said it)

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