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Song Parodies -> "I've Named Every Pair....of Hooters"

Original Song Title:

"I've Been Everywhere"

Original Performer:

Johnny Cash

Parody Song Title:

"I've Named Every Pair....of Hooters"

Parody Written by:

Dee Range

The Lyrics

I was surfin' the web, a long and lusty night of Google-ing
When I clicked on a pornsite, with a sigh I just kept oogle-ing
When you're loggin' on Sin-A-Rama- Max you'll watch 'till you're fried
So just grab yourself some lube and turn the lights way down inside
I wondered if I'd seen a site with so much tits and ass
When I realized I'd nicknamed every boob on every lass

I'd named every pair, man
I'd named every pair, man
Just love to watch 'em bare, man
I seethe with 'mountain' stare, man
Of hooters I've seen my share, man
I've named every pair

I called 'em

Launch Codes

Wonder Twins
Win Win Situations

Not Maude's
Finger Pods
Tongue Depressors

Tig Bits
Highest Bids
Lung Compressors

Nip Taunts
What I Wants
Need-A-Tuck EE's

Them'r Yucky's
Rubber Duckies
Lady Luckies
Braille For Suck Me's

I've named every pair, man
I've named every pair, man
Across the World Wide Lair, man
Except the ones with hair, man
While playin' some 'solitaire', man
I've named every pair

I call 'em

Bon Bons
The Pointer Sisters

Finger Blisters

Mouth Lockers
Door Knockers
Twin Shockers
Woody Makers

Ho Ho's
Hand Holds
Hand Puppets
Shake and Bakers

Crumb Catchers

Hat Hangers
Man Baiters
Cold Weather Indicators

I've named every pair, man
I've named every pair, man
Screen's stained beyond repair, man
From blonde-on-blonde affairs, man
Heaven's right in this chair, man
I've seen every pair

I call 'em

Mother Lodes
Meat Loaves

Honey Do Me's

Breed Winners

Baby Bait
Betty Boops
Bra Busters
Come Chew Me's

Bumper Cars
Major Leaguers
Hand Fatigue-ers

Holy Shit!-ers
Proof God Exists-ers

I've seen every pair, man
I've seen every pair, man
Hand's cramped and in despair, man
My scrotum needs repair, man
The gravel in cream ain't fair, man
I've seen every pair

I call 'em

Head Lights
Search Lights
High Beams

Stun Grenades
Trust Funds

Book Ends
Breast Friends


Sugar Tits
Hankie Sprayers

Big Taters
Double Daters
Tongue Tasters
See Ya Later's

I've named every pair, man
I've named every pair, man
I loved to watch 'em bare, man
Now blind but I don't care, man
My palm has sure grown some hair, man
I've named every pair




Because there's

Ant Bites
Atom Smashers

Bon Bons
All Day Suckers

Bra Stuffers
Back Rubbers
Belly Smackers

Milk Jugs
Milk Duds
Blouse Bunnies
Bosom Buddies

Head Bangers
Rah Rahs

Rootie Tooties
Bouncing Beauties
Bodacious Ta Tas

Now we're almost there, man
Now we're almost there, man
Some could use more Nair, man
I need a breath of air, man
Examples beyond compare, man
No we're not quite there

Because there's


Bait and Lures
Too Matures
Hunger Cures
Can't resist-a's

Need-A- Bra's
Janet Jackson's

Handle Bars
Lethal Weapons

Chest Hams
Sweet Gams
I'll Be Damns
Love To Cleaves

Good Griefs
Soggy Briefs
Wally and the Beav

I've named every pair man
I've named every pair, man
Not that people care, man
No more, I wouldn't dare, man
Including young Linda Blair's, man.....


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   21

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Pamela-Parton-Raquel-Smith - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Absolutely fantastic... your creativity (and stamina) really shines with this one, er quadra-hepta double-header... like two-headlights of hope and inspiration in an insipid inky darkness of drab banality... we salute you! Ladies.... knockers up to this gentleman connosieur!
John Barry - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
What PPRS said! Send this to Webster's.
Claude Prez - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Great great stuff stuff
alvin rhodes - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
i'd say you have covered the subject masterfully AND hilariously
Matthias - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow, Every line here is pure Boobyful! No doubt about tit, this one "rocks"
Kristof Robertson - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Mam-nificent, Dee! This was jugs of fun! 555
Adagio - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
I didn't know that there were so many names for
AFW - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
This is a hootin' blockbuster!....Fantasticko! I see you even threw in a couple extra verses...
Bealzaboobs - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Devilishly Good!
Bo Derek - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
I would give you "10" if you had included me in your list. You'll have to settle for 3 5's
Stuart McArthur - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
yes, Linda did, didn't she! - what AFW said - this is just hilarious from start to finish, and at one point (as opposed to 2 points) it seemed that it never would - the creativity in each line here is bloody astonishing - 555 (and I'm saving this as a resource for future boob, I mean "Proof God Exists-ers" parodies)
MrMacphisto - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL.... excellent...
Dee Range - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks loads to all who read and commented here. Individual thanks will have to wait until I've recovered from all the research :)
Brian - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Of all the parodies of this song I have read, this one is the breast. Fives all around.
malcolm higgins - November 02, 2006 - Report this comment
wonderbra! I think you have it covered - November 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Truly a juggernaut. Or two. For the past few months I've been kinda puttering around at a similar concept called "99 Words for Boobs" - you just made it much more of a challenge because now I have to do it without repeating any of your lovely terms. Just know that I didn't steal the idea from you. As far as you know. Anywho, this one is grrrreat, Dee. Wonder Twins? Tongue Depressors? Ha! TMGLTM.
Jack Wilson - November 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Howd I misst his? This is aweosme! 555
Dee Range - November 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Spaff, Jack, malcom, Brian, MrMacphisto, Stu, "Bo Derek""Bealzaboobs", AFW, Adagio, Kristof, Matthias, alvin, Claud Prez, John Barry, and "Pamela-Parton-Raquel-Smith" was that you Johnny D.? Sounded like your elequent self. And Spaff, I can't wait for your "99 Words For Boobs". It will undoubtedly be funnier than this one...yours always are!
Red Ant - January 01, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't know how I missed this one... I probably was downloading porno or something, heh heh. Excellent work, Dee. "Top" 5s.
GLen S - January 22, 2007 - Report this comment
I know I've been here before. Anyway, loved it. Still one of my favorites of yours and still my favorite take on this song most days of the week. And considering the growing number of versions on the site, that will become more of a compliment over time. Favorite: 'Shock-N-Awes/Play-N-Pause'
Brian - July 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Man, an AWESOME parody. 555's. Of all the parodies I've seen on here, this one is the breast.

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