I'd been doin' some scratch
So, peeked at the patch
With lights and a magnified glass
I sure saw enough
Right there in the buff
They're flippin cartwheels all over my ass
'Bout a hundred and one
Havin' frolicin' fun
My pubic is their trampoline..
Well, you little guys
Gonna' get a surprise
A mouthwash with soap that is green..

Oh, I've got Friends In Low Places
Little cootie legs, ugly mean faces,
Doc seen today,
He gave me some spray
Said I had one of the worst cases
Must've caught' em down at Jill's Oasis
These lousy Friends In Low Places

So, I informed my spouse
'Bout the bawdy house
Swore I'd not been there before
Kinda' made her a grouch
Now I'm on the couch
Says, if she finds one, it's the door
So, I'm boilin' clothes, and strikin a pose
Of humble, just walkin' on eggs
A real slow ride, tryin' to save some pride
Before it comes to begs...

'Cause I've got Friends In Low Places
Little cootie bugs with some mean faces
Doc seen today
He gave me some spray
Said, I had one of the worst cases
Know I caught 'em down at Jill's Oasis
These lousy Friends In Low Places..

I hate these Friends In Low Places...