I was just a young troop
In my Army boots
When I had me a little affair
I started to know
When things started to show
Way down deep in my underwear
And I felt a surprise
I had bumps on my thighs
And I was feeling this bad awful pain
So, I started to dance
As I tried to zip up my pants
And I went to the Doc to complain

(Chorus 1)
'Cause I've got bumps in low places
I just hope it's not one of those cases of an STD
Hurts when I pee
Well, Ive never had one of these disgraces
Stay away from girls near foreign Army bases
Oh, I've got bumps in low places

I hoped I was wrong
These sores don't belong
because they never been there before
I was scratching all night
So the Doc said, "Alright, Bend over and I'll check your backdoor."
I let out a scream
as he put on the cream
just give me medication and then
the Doc said he had to put a big long q-tip where it's never been.

(Chorus 2)
'Cause I've got bumps in low places
Doctor says it's one of those new cases
of Venereal Disease
Hurts when I pee
Well, Ive never had one of these disgraces
Stay away from girls near foreign Army bases
Oh, I've got bumps in low places
(1&2 Chorus repeat)