Splinter got run over by a kitten,
Walking home to the sewers on Christmas Eve,
You can say there's no such thing as Catman,
But as for me and Mikey, we believe

He's been drinking too much black tea,
and we begged him not to go,
But he forgot his medication,
so he staggered out the door and through the snow.
When we found him Christmas morning,
at the scene of the attack,
There were paw-prints on his forehead,
And incriminating claw-marks on his back
(Chorus)
Now, we're all so proud of Leo,
He's been taking this so well,
See him in there meditating,
Drinking coke and playing chess with Raphael
It's not Christmas without Splinter,
All the family's dressed in mink,
And we just can't help but wonder,
Should we burn up his fur or turn it pink?
Turn it pink! (Chorus)

Now the rat is in the coffin,
And the beef stew made of fig,
And the black and yellow candles
That would just have matched the hair in Splinter's wig.
I warned all my friends and neighbors,
Better pray for that rat!
They should never give a license
to a girl drives a truck and plays with cats
(Chorus)
Sing it, Donny!
(Chorus)